Two days after Christmas, our church community lost someone very special.
Bettye Palmer would have been 82 this week.
You probably know someone like Bettye. I hope you do.
Bettye was a widow, and had to use an oxygen tank at all times because of declining health. She was sometimes in a wheelchair, but liked to stand up as often as she could to greet people. Her back was bent, but her face always shone with love and genuine interest in others.
Bettye stood in the front of our church foyer after every service so she could ask all of us how we were doing. She remembered all the details of our lives. She would often ask me about my mother's health, though she has never met her. I could tell that to Bettye, my mother was a real person, not a faraway stranger. On Wednesday nights, Bettye sat where she could take the money for our communal dinner night so that she could talk to people and check up on each of us.
Bettye rarely talked about herself, and you never got the feeling that she wanted to do so. At a time of life when one's own news is often not good--failing health, friends passing away, loneliness-- Bettye found that the secret of joy was in focusing on others. Her body was no longer strong enough to serve, but her spirit and her loving heart were able to minister to everyone, making us all feel that she cared, and she missed us when we were gone.
This Sunday was our first experience of church without Bettye. As I walked in the door, I got a big lump in my throat as I passed the empty spot where she had always stood. I was not alone in this. Of course, someone talked about Bettye during the service today, and many of us wiped away tears.
We all know that our tears aren't for her. We rejoice that she has gone on to a much better place. But it will take a while before we stop feeling that sharp ache when we pass the places in our church where we remember her.
When I walk into the foyer of our church and see that empty place, I will remember this. Bettye was a woman so filled with love, so unselfish, that she literally graced the ground she stood on.
The best way to remember Bettye is to follow her example of grace: to really listen to others, to ask questions, to make certain their lives are real to us, and not to rush so much that we forget to care.
Have you known a Bettye?
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23 comments:
Rosslyn, what a beautiful and poetic memorial of Bettye. Thank you.
Yes, I have known several Bettye's. And I hope at that age I have the spirit to yearn to serve just as she did. Very good post, one to give us a vision for how we can profitably spend our lives. Good job.
Note: Cheryl's mom is something of a Bettye, though a bit younger. She is 76 and still teaches a chidlren's class at her church. She has tried to retire a couple of times but the kids and their parents won't let her. They love her too much.
What a beautiful tribute to your friend Bettye.
My mother-in-law was one of those wonderful people who built others up. Even when she was dying of cancer and her friends would call or stop by to see how she was doing, she'd quickly shift the focus and ask how they were. She exuded love, and I was blessed to be one of the recipients.
Rossyln, what a beautiful tribute.
I've known several Bettyes in my life, and I have a feeling I would know another if I got to know you...
Thank you so much for such a wonderful post.
Saloma
So many Bettys have come and gone in my life. You are so right that the best thing we can do is to carry on their legacy of positive influence.
Rosslyn, this is a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing a bit of Bettye with us. I love it when someone who leaves left such an impression on us that we weep in their absence. That means we have loved, and known someone worth loving, and that is a tremendous gift!
This is great enough to etch into my memory: ...to really listen to others, to ask questions, to make certain their lives are real to us, and not to rush so much that we forget to care..
Rosslyn, I think you've just posted on the secret to life. :)
Happy New Year!
Sorry for your loss. We all need more Bettye's in this world.
Lovely tribute, Rosslyn. Yesterday, our church grieved with sweet sorrow as our pianist breathed her last cancer-laden breath to escape into the arms of Jesus. Heaven rejoices, and I'm so blessed to have known this godly woman who touched many lives.
We need to strive to be like the Bettyes and Donnas in the world who reach others by being lik Jesus in the skin.
Oh, Rosslyn, I'm so sorry for you loss. I can tell that Bettye will me missed by many. What a wonderful role model to have known.
Thanks, everybody, for your thoughts. It's good to know that there are Bettyes everywhere, shining a light.
Hi Rosslyn- what a touching post!! I have known a Bettye.. I have a few people in our church like that and my own grandmother reminds me of her.
This is beautiful, Rosslyn. My husband's grandmother is definitely a Bettye, a living example of what it means to follow Christ.
How very lovely, Rosslyn. Yes, I've known more than one Bettye. What a light for the Lord they are! My heart's desire is to perhaps become a Bettye. I've yet to come close, for I still struggle with the sheer number of people and names, let alone details. But by God's grace, I may yet live long enough to walk in the shadow of such saints.
I have known so many Bettyes and appreciate their testimony, THere is a couple at our old church who greet everyone and ask about our lives even when we have been gone for years.
Praise God for the Bettye's of this world. I'm sure she had a wonderful homecoming. One day we'll all be there celebrating but until then we should take note from such kind people. Great post.
Bettye was the first person to greet me at church when I first visited Albuquerque in preparation to move here. She always called your name out loudly if you happened to be in her vicinity so there was no missing her. She always remembered every fine detail of your last conversation with her and even offered advice when sharing difficult situations. She patiently sat and took the fellowship dinner donations and would often confide about her health unless you asked. Thanks for such a touching memorial for a modern day "Ruth." I miss her dearly! Brandon
Bettye sounds like someone who truly cared about people. She lived a full and loving life. Her presence will be felt forever, and missed.
Rosslyn, what a beautiful tribute. May we all be as encouraging and giving.
Rosslyn,
That was beautiful! I have known Bettye all my life and cannot even imagine how empty her space must look. I knew her before the oxygen, wheelchairs, and ill health. She was a most amazing woman!
There are many at church who are just like her, Jelly and Nancy being two more.
I rejoice that Bettye is in heaven with our Lord and am thankful for the ones who are still here. I only pray that I can live my life as they have...for our Lord.
curly_blades
I've known a few too.
I just attended a friend/coworker's funeral today and I was taken back at the turn out. It is amazing how one person can touch so many lives. All of us have the opportunity to meet and greet many, but seemed to me like this man made an impression on everyone he met and it showed at his service. He was young, 38, but in those short years he proved what an impact one person can have on all of us.
He was full of jokes and smiles, and offered to help each time I saw him. Today was a sad day.
I like how you said that you were not shedding tears for Bettye, because she is in a better place, but for yourselves because you will miss her. That is so true. :o)
Hi Rosslyn -
Beautiful post!
An older friend of ours always said, "When you have troubles, go minister to someone else." Bettye certainly exemplified this in her life.
Blessings,
Susan :)
This really touched me. Yes, I've known more than one Bettye. We are so blessed to have caring elderly women in our church.
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