Ben Franklin's Virtues: Moderation

Moderation:

Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

Sometimes we use "moderation" as a synonym for "temperance," and vice versa.

Ben Franklin uses temperance to describe eating and drinking behaviors, but he uses moderation to account for emotional life.

Moderation is another virtue that gives me much material for personal growth!

On the whole, I do try to avoid extremes of emotion as much as possible. As I get older, I become better at this, but I'm still by no means perfect.

We're all born with different temperaments that gift us in different ways. Like my little daughter, I'm a passionate person by nature. That passion has helped me in some cases when I needed strength to survive or to help others. My temperament is no excuse, however, for letting passion fly all over the place in inappropriate circumstances. And I have also done that.

I like Ben's point that one key to emotional moderation is to "forebear resenting injuries as much as you think they deserve."

Rsentment is a spiritual killer. I would like to tell you a story about how resentment almost destroyed me, during my decade of agnosticism, but this is not the place for that story.

It's not easy to get rid of resentment. It sinks its hooks into us, unbalances us, and ruins any chance for emotional moderation.

But I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in praying for our enemies. It works. No, God does not often "magically" lift away resentment, and thinking that He will can be emotionally dangerous. But He does engineer circumstances that will help us deal with those emotions, and even lead us eventually to love our enemies. Sometimes, we can love them well enough that we forget they were once enemies.

When I have been persistent and patient in my prayer for healing from resentment, my prayer has been answered, and I have been able to go places emotionally where I never could have gone under my own power.

How about you? Is emotional moderation a challenge for you?

Ben Franklin's Virtues: Sincerity

Sincerity:

Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

We live in a world in which sincerity is rarer than artifice, thanks to the prominence of advertising and other media designed to get us to behave in certain ways.

That's nothing new.

Manipulators, hypocrites, and social climbers have been with us since the dawn of civilization. (Before civilization, we just whacked each other over the heads with our clubs, so we could at least be sincere about it. :-)

I value sincerity more than even civility or mental health. I really enjoy the company of one woman at our church who occasionally has trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality. She is absolutely sincere and honest, whether her perceptions are accurate or not. I'd much rather eat lunch with her than with a phony. (No specific person meant by "phony," just to be clear about that! Don't want to cause any paranoia. :-)

My first experience of rampant, destructive insincerity occurred in junior high. Can I get an AMEN??? LOL!

Since I learned those cruel lessons at the hands of junior high school girls, I find it hard to forgive insincerity and social manipulativeness. The way I try to work on it is to remember that those who continue to behave in these ways: to judge others by their clothing, their money, or their conformity, to view a community as a heap to be "conquered," and others as competitors rather than friends--these people are children. I never have a problem forgiving children and teens, because they don't know any better. I need to extend that same forgiveness, the mercy that God shows us, to those adults who use others for their own social or professional ends.

It is hard! A voice in my head repeats endlessly: "But they DO know better!They're just consumed by ambition and self-centered!" But I have to remember that people are driven by forces that I may not understand. If you've ever seen the disturbing movie "Election," with Reese Witherspoon, you see that her character's ambition springs from the deprivation of her home life. I don't know what emotional or spiritual forces drive some people to view their own ends as more important than the relationships they form along the way. But their attitude, in the end, is not my business. I just have to remain sincere, myself, treat them as I would anyone else, and leave the character education to God. I am not the bringer of Justice.

Isn't it funny how you can't tell with complete certainty whether a person is sincere over the internet, but as soon as you meet that person, a thousand subconscious details of body language and vocal inflection convey the truth immediately? People may be sincere to varying degrees, but outright insincerity stands out like a black pillar of smoke on a clear day. I wonder sometimes whether these (rare) completely fake people realize that their fakeness is so evident. Do you ever wonder that?

I value my sincere friends and acquaintances "above rubies." I'm blessed to have so many of them in my life. A toast to all of you. May your sincerity be an inspiration to others in your lives.

Was someone ever an example of sincerity who inspired you? Or did you suffer at the hands of insincere junior high girls? ;-)

A Scrap of Cardstock

I interrupt our regularly-scheduled programming to bring you this story.

Tonight, I ran to the corner store to get something small.

I noticed a large RV in the parking lot. I've had a special place in my heart for RV drivers ever since my friend Dave bought one. He's had several dismaying adventures with his RV, and through his experience I've learned how difficult it is to own and operate one of those huge vehicles.

When I brought my purchase to the counter, the RV driver was standing in front of me. He asked the cashier how to get to a road that is NOT near our neighborhood. I could tell that she was flummoxed. It wasn't the easiest set of directions to explain, and in addition, she had several customers waiting in line.

I told her I would take care of it and stepped to the side to talk to him.

He was an older man, at least sixty-five, maybe pushing seventy. His face was rough and lumpy, as if life had beaten him up a few times over the years. Still, I could tell he wasn't a hard man--just weary. His hair looked strange, almost as if he were wearing a light blond, curly wig.

He told me he had come in from the west and was headed north. I did some fast thinking: what road would best accommodate his unwieldy vehicle while getting him to the highway he needed, which lay at least fifteen miles away from where we stood in the corner store?

There was no room for error in my directions. RVs are murder to turn around. I had to get him on exactly the right roads, headed north, with no mistakes.

I realized that I needed to write his directions down. Pulling out a scrap of cardstock from my purse, I noted the street names and drew a diagram of the underpass he would have to navigate. I explained the route verbally, showing him my written directions. Finally, I handed him the card.

"Thank you very much," he said, still weary, but plainly relieved.

He turned the card over and looked at the back.

"Oh," I said. "That's just my daughter's memory verse card from Sunday school."

He smiled. "Thanks again."

"No problem!"

He walked out, and a minute later, I did too.

I saw him standing on the stairs of his RV doorway as I exited the store. I thought I had better walk over and make sure, one last time, that he understood which way to turn at the traffic light we could see from this parking lot.

"Do you see which way to turn at this light?" I asked, walking towards him and raising my voice over the ambient gas station noise.

He turned around. Behind him I saw an older lady, who had definitely pushed past seventy. Her legs didn't look very sturdy and her feet were bandaged; I wasn't sure she could get out of the RV.

He smiled again, a little wistfully this time. "Oh yes. We were just talking about your daughter's memory verse card."

I saw the little card then. He was holding it up between them as their heads leaned close together.

I waved and wished them the best, then got back in my van.

I saw in my mind's eye my daughter's memory verse this week, scrawled in colorful childlike letters on the back of the card:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him,
And he will make your paths straight.

I don't know what this message meant to them, but based on their tired faces and the marks of their physical suffering, my guess is that it was more than a message about highway directions.

God is infinitely loving, and sends words of comfort and courage to us in ways we could never predict.

Have you ever found yourself an "accidental" messenger? Or received a message that appeared to be coincidental, but was not?

Ben Franklin's Virtues: Industry

Industry:

Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.

If I cringe when I type the post about order, I can walk tall and unashamed on this post.

I work all the time.

Know the feeling?

I bet you do! Many people I know work as hard as I do. Many of us multitask, moving from one project to another all day long, throwing in a load of laundry while we stride past the machine to go get a homeschooling book we need from the living room.

I suspect the Puritan settlers of America were just like us, working all day and all night. For them, industry made the difference between life and death. For us, it makes the difference between success and failure--between providing for our families, serving our churches and pursuing our personal dreams, or just sitting around marking time at a dead-end job.

It was for people like us that the Sabbath was made.

The industrious have no trouble working, but instead find it hard to stop work--to rest, to praise, to be thankful.

Every virtue can become through excess a weakness.

Ben Franklin's Virtues: Frugality

Frugality:

Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; waste nothing.

We twenty-first century Americans may find Ben's definition of frugality easy to twist. Nowadays, what isn't "good" for us? A cruise? A massage? A pair of Mahnolo Blahnik shoes for $900?

My guess is that almost every American in this wealthy society of ours has at least once bought something that he or she doesn't need. Our spending habits are vastly different from those of middle-class families in the 1970s and early 1980s.

I've bought plenty of those unnecessary things over the years, and I'm not proud of it.

I haven't made major purchases or run myself into credit card debt. But I know when I'm buying something I don't need. Last year, when my daughter entered traditional school for half the year, I succumbed a few times to the temptation to buy her more clothing so she would look as cute as the other little girls. But even as I did it, I knew that I was going against my own values system. I don't believe in keeping up with the Joneses. In today's economy, where so many are spending money they don't have, keeping up with the Joneses may take us all straight to bankruptcy court.

There are some areas in which I can claim that we've attempted to live frugally and wisely.

We don't own a huge TV set. We own one vehicle that we bought used and paid off within six months. We are blessed, however, by my husband's access to a company vehicle, so I can't claim the true frugality of a family who shares a car or goes without one completely.

I don't buy expensive jewelry--or much jewelry at all--and I don't have the imfamous "shoe" habit. Like other women, I admire the polish and style of new clothing when I see it. It's nice to feel pretty. But it's not worth the hundreds of dollars it takes to buy a new fashionable wardrobe every season.

I miss the fabulous thrift store we left behind in Ohio when we moved here. This thrift store--you had to see it to believe it. Imagine a supermarket-sized store filled with rack upon rack of color-coded clothing. Most of it was in excellent condition, and many items were new with the tags on them. I shopped for all our clothing at that thrift store. I would spend fifty dollars and come home with three garbage bags full of new or nearly- new clothing. But even as I write this, another voice whispers to me that there's a different standard of frugality altogether. When I watch Frontier House on DVD, I see people who owned a total of three outfits. Part of me longs for that simplicity. Imagine how it would reduce our laundry.

Alas, there's no wonderful thrift store in our current town of residence. But I've found that Ebay offers pretty good deals, if I watch and wait.

The area in which I really would like to become more frugal is groceries and eating out. We still don't eat out much, by many people's standards, but even grabbing fast food for lunch twice a week and having one dinner "out" each weekend adds up quickly. Even more wasteful is the amount of food that spoils because our small family doesn't eat leftovers or fresh vegetables quickly. Better meal planning on my part would reduce much of this waste.

No post on frugality would be complete without a nod to my friend Kristi, who has made frugality an art. Click here for one of her stories of her excellent jaunts to Walgreen's. She is a coupon queen, and I can only gape in admiration at what she can buy for five dollars. :-)

Ben Franklin's Virtues: Resolution

Resolution:

Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

I like to think of this virtue as a verb, resolve, or, even better, as an adjective, resolute. Resolute is the adjective of heroes, whether big or small, male or female.

There's nothing I'd rather see in a movie--or in life--than that moment when uncertainty or despair hits bottom and turns to resolution.

I think we all love it because we know resolution is heaven sent, a virtue that transforms us from weak, ordinary people to warriors.

One of my favorite stories about resolution shows us a person who wins back his soul after an inner struggle.

"Spirit!" he cried, clutching at its robe, "hear me. I am not the man I was. I will not be the man I must have been but for this intercourse. Why show me this, if I am past all hope?"

For the first time the hand appeared to shake.

"Good Spirit," he pursued, as down upon the ground he fell before it: "Your nature intercedes for me, and pities me. Assure me that I yet may change these shadows you have shown me, by an altered life."

The kind hand trembled.

"I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me I may sponge away the writing on this stone!"

Scrooge was as good as his word, the story continues. Some resolute people know that the real challenge is in holding to what is right, day after day, year after year, without applause or recognition.

What does resolution call to mind for you?

Ben Franklin's Virtues: Order

Oh, thinking about this one smarts.

Order

Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

When I was single, I was pretty orderly. I didn't own a lot of stuff. Everything had its place. I used a daily planner, balanced my checkbook, showed up for events early, and finished my papers weeks before their deadlines.

Then I married and had a child. I joined a church and started volunteering. My orderly life fragmented into many pieces that were far more difficult to balance and sort.

Mu husband has a wonderful gift of spontaneity that has changed my life. He is a liver in the moment and a believer in doing without overthinking. Our strengths complement one another. His gift of action serves as a corrective to my analytical tendencies while my analysis helps focus his efforts at times.

My increased spontaneity and attention to the present has allowed me to believe in myself and pursue my dreams. However, these traits also have brought me a tendency to disorder. My house is chaotic. Though I can produce an external appearance of cleanliness and neatness, our closets bulge with piles of unsorted objects. Everything certainly does not have a place. We have too much stuff.

In business, I have only the necessary minimum of orderliness. I'm still goal-oriented, which means I'm good at getting things done and doing them well. I'm not often late with my tasks, but I'm not good at scheduling my time. Regularity is not my forte.

Addendum: After I wrote this post yesterday, I took my daughter into her bedroom and we spent an hour repairing the ravages of too many playtimes. Castle figures went into the castle box, superheroes clustered together in their lair, toy sushi kit reassembled itself with its shrimp and egg sushi. Even the Connect Four game repossessed all its black and red disks!

Ben Franklin had something going here. These virtues creep into our lives when we take time to reflect on them.

How's your level of orderliness?

The Shape of My Heart: ACFW 2009

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art...
But that's not the shape of my heart.


I listened to this Sting song at least ten times on the drive home from the conference.

I know that diamonds mean money for this art

Art usually requires money. Artists need to be paid for their work in order to justify the time they spend on it. Editors are well aware of this reality, and so are most writers.

But being aware of economic reality does not mean that we should allow it to shape our hearts--to exert complete control over our priorities.

But that's not the shape of my heart.

Inspirational publishing really is different from mainstream publishing. I've met many people in the inspirational industry who have kept their heart-shaped hearts. They haven't yet allowed those natural shapes inside them to harden into invulnerable diamonds.

The people in the inspirational book business are noticeably nicer, especially the editors and agents. Among the writers, we might see an occasional phony or cold diva, but for an overwhelming majority, what you see is what you get. The percentage of real, down-to-earth people is astonishingly high compared to my experience in the general public.

The most welcome lesson of this conference is that publishing houses have hearts, too.

Certain recent experiences had led me to fear that all publishers had diamonds at their center--that no matter how they talked about raising the quality of inspirational fiction, at the end of the day, they were going to go with what was familiar, simple, and written according to a standard "this is what sells" formula. I feared they would automatically go with the material that pitches the best--which isn't always the best material. Simple plots sound great in a one-page synopsis, but they often come out thin and dull compared to a more complex plot that is harder to condense into such a short form. Complexity and substance are harder to put through in soundbytes.

But my fears about publishing have been dispelled.

I met a number of editors at this conference who take their spiritual and literary mission seriously. They won't take stuff that is almost sure to tank (literary fiction, for example, is a real risk in the inspirational market), but they DO seek to publish material that is redemptive and transformative.

After meeting with several editors and talking to them about the books they like and the books they seek, I'm encouraged.

I know that diamonds mean money for this art,
But that's not the shape of my heart.

To listen to the song, go to the Youtube video here.

ACFW Conference 2009 Fashion, Cuisine

Here I am at the ACFW Awards banquet with the fabulously-attired Meredith. I just wish this photo revealed all the detail of her elegant take on steampunk. Her skirt swept into a really cool semi-bustle with beads and lace.

If you don't know about steampunk, feel free to click here for a Wiki definition.

As you can see, I wore the old-fashioned version of steampunk, also known as Victorian. :-)


Chip MacGregor continued his annual tradition of sporting the tartan. This year he wore Black Watch instead of his usual MacGregor tartan. I had to get a picture with Chip because my dad is a tartan-wearing bagpiper.

I'm not usually much for fashion, but I'm an admirer of kilts and retro looks. And I agree with Meredith--the best thing about steampunk is the clothing.

I found an old-fashioned gentleman to go with my attire. Terry Burns had removed his hat, as any gentleman would inside a building, but donned it briefly for the effect in this photo.

And finally, Gwen and Anne, dazzling in their banquet finery.

Look at what's on my fork. We're laughing here as I demonstrate the humongous size of the portions at each meal. Not only did they give us these big ole' blocks of steak--they also included a chicken breast on each plate just to make sure we didn't go hungry! You can see the meal's full splendor on Gwen's plate in the background.

Here, my wonderful roommate Suzanne joins me in presenting the official ACFW dessert.

There were many more lovely outfits. Not everyone dressed to the nines, but that was part of the fun: this banquet is one of those rare occasions when guests can wear whatever they want to wear.

ACFW Conference 2009 Day Two

Here I am with my lovable long distance friends.

EVENT RUNDOWN
Last night I went to the late session called "Spotlight on Tyndale House." I really enjoyed listening to Stephanie Broene describe Tyndale. I'm impressed by her sincerity and by Tyndale's commitment to publishing books in line with its mission. I also like Tyndale's mission, but that's a subject too long for this late-night post.

I also enjoyed talking to Sue Brower of Zondervan at lunch. She shared some thoughts about a few ABA novels she has read this year, including one in epistolary form. Cool! I took an entire class in epistolary fictions in college, and I find it amazing when someone manages to publish in this archaic form. An author has to be very accomplished to work within the restrictions of letter-fictions.

This afternoon, I met with Kim Moore of Harvest House, which means that I have now met with all three fiction editors at Harvest in the past twelve months. Like her compadres Rod Morris and Nick Harrison, Kim is very thoughtful and perceptive. She immediately noticed the thematic similarities between my novel and novels by Dickens. I was impressed.

I went to dinner this evening with all the attending clients of Wordserve Literary, hosted by our agents Greg and Rachelle. There, I soaked up great conversation, made new friends, and took a moment to appreciate kind agents who are fun to know as well as expert in their field.

Happy days. :-)

ACFW Conference 2009 Day One

We're taking a break right now before we listen to the keynote from Debbie Macomber.

Three hundred people took Donald Maass's seminar! I was not among them, but those who attended say that it was very valuable.

I arrived at about 3:00pm and met a few people. One of them was my fellow client at WordServe, Jody Hedlund. She just landed a contract. Woo-hoo!

At dinner, we "met" the conference faculty and ACFW board. Barbour presented a contract to Connie Stevens, which was very touching.

The highlight of the evening thus far was meeting my online friends Anne and Gwen. It's hard to explain how satisfying it is to meet internet friends and find that they are just as kind and charismatic as I always thought. :-)

Dinner was chicken parmigiana, cheese risotto, and zucchini. Hope that gives you the "you are there" feeling!

More later...

OK, I'm back!

Debbie Macomber has one hundred million books in print, in 23 different languages. Wow.

She shared her inspiring story of pursuing her writing goals. Dyslexia caused her not to learn to read until fifth grade. As a young mother with four children, she wrote eight books on a rented typewriter. At one writer's conference, an editor told her to throw her book away. Yet it was that very same manuscript that landed her first contract, against all odds, after the publishing house in question had told her they were NOT accepting submissions! At the time, she and her family of five others were surviving on an unemployment paycheck of $150 a week.

Quotable quotes: "I couldn't believe I could work this hard...for nothing."

"Because I pursued my dream, I taught my children by example to pursue their dreams."

ACFW Conference 2009

For those who are seeking news from the ACFW conference:

I did not sign up for the pre-conference workshop, so I will not be posting updates until tomorrow evening.

I hope to have some good tidbits for you!

Ben Franklin's Virtues: Silence

The second virtue Ben Franklin lists in his autobiography is silence.

Silence:
Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

One of the fringe benefits of the time I spend writing is my increasing silence.

This claim may elicit scoffs from some of my friends. Yes, I can be very talkative, given the right circumstances. :-)

I also slip up. A few weeks back, I said something I regretted during a casual conversation with friends. Later, I emailed my friends and apologized. It happened to be information about someone they did not know, but afterwards, I realized that I should not have used their lack of acquaintance as an excuse to talk when I should have kept silent.

I heard a great story about silence from a woman I knew a few years ago. She told me that over time, she had grown ashamed of many things she said in her attempt to entertain others. She felt her joking comments often contradicted her beliefs about kind behavior. Still, she caved in to the pressure of social gatherings, because she felt she had to maintain her reputation for being funny.

"One day, I just decided to stop," she said. "I decided that I would place my beliefs about right and wrong speech ahead of my need to be funny. If I had nothing nice to say, I would keep my mouth shut. I was determined to become discreet."

"What happened?" I asked.

"It was as hard as I expected. Several of my friends even asked me whether something was wrong with me, because I was no longer keeping them in stitches with my sharp tongue. I kept reminding myself that it was exactly like quitting alcohol or smoking or any other bad habit. The people who have indulged in that habit with you aren't always going to be pleased when you stop, and some of them no longer want to continue a friendship."

My friend chose to become quieter for a while in social gatherings, and through her silence, she found a new way of functioning socially.

Silence is frightening to many people. It signifies social failure to some. The last thing we want is a silence in our conversation, because that would mean a failure to connect.

But much of the time, the noise of our talk is also a failure to connect, or a destructive connection.

The virtue of silence allows us to detect what's real and what's not, what's good and what's destructive in our own speech.

Ben Franklin's Virtues: Temperance

The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin is a classic American book that deserves to be read widely. Unfortunately, most people who ever did read it back in their high school years have now forgotten it.

In the second part of the book, Ben discusses his program for self-improvement. He relates that in his early twenties, he made up his mind to list thirteen virtues and then practice them until he improved his character.

This may sound ordinary to us, but the idea of self-improvement started here, with Ben Franklin, the archetypal American "self-made" man.

I've been interested for some time in the lost concept of a person's character, and I've blogged about it before. It seems to me that nowadays, "character education" means little stories that show the importance of one good quality, such as honesty. The teaching method lacks depth and personal engagement for the students. I wouldn't advise teaching kindergarteners how to examine their consciences: introducing that concept at such a young age invites too much unfounded guilt. But first-graders need to start learning how to live out principles of good character in their own lives. Without personal application, character education breeds hypocrisy.

So for a few days, I'm going to blog about Ben Franklin's virtues. Perhaps it will spark some discussion.

Ben begins with a virtue so out-of-fashion that we rarely even mention it by name.

Temperance got a really bad rap back during Prohibition. Because teetotalers linked the word "temperance" to teetotaling and legal bans on alcohol, Americans no longer associated the word temperance with a personal virtue.

Yet a virtue it remains, whether we discuss it or not.

Here's Ben's Franklin's definition:

Temperance

Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.

How much better off would America be if we all practiced temperance?

But who dares to talk about it?

Sure, we'll address alcoholism and drug abuse, both of which fall under "drink not to elevation." Most of us over the age of thirty have learned--unfortunately, the hard way--that temperance in drink is a virtue we should practice.

How about "eat not to dullness?" How many of us practice that virtue? I say this not with condemnation, but compassion. Compulsive overeating is the great unspoken, hidden vice of our culture. Morbid obesity wreaks havoc on people's bodies and leads them to years of torture through ill health.

I am passionate about this issue because compulsive overeating has deeply affected the lives of people I love. It's not some abstract virtue for me to push on others. It's a devastating problem that breaks hearts as well as health. To show real compassion, we need to help those with this addiction, just as we now know how to help those with other addictions.

Gratitude

On every day of our lives, we have reasons to be grateful.

Some days just make it harder to remember those reasons.

For the past four or five days, I've been lifted up by gratitude. It's an answer to weeks of prayer, perhaps even months of prayer.

Nothing special has happened in the past five days. Nothing horrible has happened. But under the constant flow of good news and bad news, I've been conscious of my blessings and encouraged by a sense of God's providence and care for me.

I wonder if this short grace, often the target of humor, is actually one of our most profound and life-changing requests:

"For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly grateful."

Christmas Planning

I spent some time today gathering Christmas music for the children's short presentation at church in December.

Yep, if it's September, it's planning time.

"Why does it need to happen so early?" you might ask.

First, I have very little rehearsal time with the children. I teach on Sundays for a little over half an hour. Our children's ministry uses a rotating schedule which means that I teach one grade a week for five weeks, then begin again. In October, I will start teaching them music in class. This means I *may* teach each grade twice before the Christmas presentation. That's one hour of rehearsal total with each grade. (Silent hyperventilating now begins.)

My other opportunity for rehearsal comes during the first ten minutes of Sunday class, starting in mid-October. Altogether, those five to ten-minute chunks probably add up to an hour and a half of rehearsal time with the combined group.

Crazy, isn't it?

Yet last year, we put together a truly beautiful program that featured costumes, solos, and adults singing backup for the kids.

And people wonder why I was a little stressed out on the day of the performance. :-)

I wasn't worried about the kids that day. I was more concerned about the adult ensemble, who had only practiced twice and never with the kids before the day of the presentation.

But it all went smoothly and it was very encouraging for both children and adults.

This year, I'm going to ask a partner in crime to help me out with the rehearsals and the coordination. And I may call some solo rehearsals outside class time, because we could use a little more breathing room.

There's an important reason why we rehearse primarily during class time, however.

We want to include all the kids.

The unfortunate truth is that today's families have very busy schedules, and many of them are either unable or unwilling to bring their children to a rehearsal that takes "extra" time. Of course, there are always dedicated families who understand the importance of these nativity pageants for making Christmas special for the kids. Interestingly, those are often the families whose kids are more musically capable. Perhaps they are families who value music more, in general, and therefore are willing to spend that extra time to keep it in their children's lives.

These days, public schools don't do a lot of Christmas music (correct me if I'm wrong about that, Gwen!) They certainly don't host nativity pageants with traditional carols. When I think about all the children who may grow up without those living creche scenes and beautiful Christmas music, it lights a fire in me to keep conducting this kind of short program for our kids. Christmas is a special time of year for reflection, joy, and gratitude. If we want kids to understand the holy spirit of Christmas, we have to teach them the rewards of finding a place in their hearts that is quiet and still.

Homeschooling Days

One of the pleasant surprises of homeschooling has been that my daughter really enjoys my company.

I didn't expect her to hate hanging out with me--after all, I listen to her, and most people enjoy being listened to.

Nonetheless, I had worried that she might miss the company of other children all day long.

She doesn't.

I've been careful to ensure that she has frequent contact with other children. On Wednesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays she has organized events with other kids her age. She also has a best friend who lives across the street, and that is a great benefit to her social life.

Still, I've been touched to realize how much she likes hanging out with ole' Mom.

I've been wondering why, and I think I understand.

I remember how adults behaved towards me when I was a child. Sometimes they talked in high voices, and they sometimes talked down to me. One memorable woman even talked to me in a funny high voice when I was TEN. I was so puzzled by this that I had to ask my mother privately why that woman talked to me that way! :-)

The rarer adults were the ones who treated me as they would treat any other person: getting to know me, asking questions rather than assuming anything about who I might be or what I might be able to understand. These adults engaged in interesting conversations and challenged me with things I had not heard before. They also tended to be the smarter adults, because the smarter adults are, the more likely they are to realize that intelligence and thoughtfulness have nothing to do with age.

I've always talked to children as if they are people. I don't make assumptions about them. If a child wants to talk on a sophisticated level and ask me difficult questions, I welcome it. I also don't have a social "persona" that I put on for children. What they see is what they get. I think they sense that, and it makes them more comfortable.

I think my daughter enjoys my company not just because I'm her loving mom, but because I'm one of the few people she knows who talks to her on her level. Similarly, she likes hanging out with older gifted kids who will also talk to her like a thinking person.

Have you, your kids or grandkids ever had trouble getting people to talk to them on their level? (Barbara! LOL! Mason HAS to have encountered this problem. He always looked at me in class with those gifted kid eyes that say "thank goodness this teacher can actually see me behind this kid face.")

Alchemy

Instant judgment often drives the publishing industry. Studies have shown that readers evaluate books in the bookstore primarily by three actions: they look at the cover, they read the back cover copy, and finally they turn to the first page. If the first few pages don't interest them, most readers will put the book down.

That's not the way I evaluate books. My first two actions are the same. I look at the cover and the back jacket. But then I turn to the middle.

Why? Because I know that every author under the sun reworks his first chapter a gazillion times. Often, the first chapter is not representative of the author's real writing ability or plotting ability. If I turn to the middle and find that the middle of the novel interests me (which usually requires three-dimensional characterization and some originality), I know I can "trust" the author.

The fact remains that most readers judge a book by its cover and its opening chapter. This is a harsh reality of today's publishing world.

Here's another reality: opening chapters won't keep readers coming back for more of an author's novels. What makes readers love a novel so much that they recommend it to anyone who will listen?

A novel's power does not come from its opening chapters. A novel's power comes from its author's ability to develop a story that resonates emotionally, spiritually, or intellectually with its readers. Resonance cannot occur in the first chapters. It's a product of the passage of time in the narrative, the way certain plot events intersect with others, and contrasts between characters. In the end, great resonance also comes from the characters' choices, as well as the consequences of those choices.

A well-crafted, resonant novel with good characterization can keep almost any avid reader's attention, no matter what the genre of the novel. Too often, though, I find that published novels I read don't resonate. The novelist doesn't make scenes "speak" to one another throughout the story to create a whole that is more than the sum of its parts.

The musical analogy for a resonant novel is a chord. A note played by itself is thin. When played in the right relationship to other notes, it forms a chord. Similarly, the "notes" of a novel combine to create something wonderful.

Or, for the more scientifically-minded, novel-writing is alchemy, not chemistry.

I'm not saying that opening chapters don't need a hook. They do. That's reality.

But if I were an editor, I would be looking for novels that have resonance. Those are the novels that build long careers. The true power of a novel can only emerge over time, over the course of the complete narrative.

Intuition

Last night I played a game that totally rocked, dude.

The game is called "The Resistance." We played with a total of eight players.

The game fascinated me because it involved bluffing. If you prefer a less-euphemistic term, you can just call it lying and deception. :-) (That's what I love about games. You get to play the bad guy for fun from time to time, but no one gets hurt.)

Here's how it worked. Five people were on the "good team." Three were evil spies. The evil spies all knew one another's identities and could conspire to overthrow the good team. Members of the good team had no solid way to know which players were good and which were evil. We used a regular deck of playing cards which helped us complete "missions" and keep score.

The result was rampant suspicion, vehement accusations, and loud laughter.

But after we finished the wild fun of the game, I had a lot of food for thought.

I was absolutely convinced several times that good people were evil and vice versa. Why? Because some of the evil spies were phenomenally good bluffers, and they used all kinds of false clues: body language, misleading questions, or even very relaxed faces that radiated their "innocence."

I also became convinced that good allies were actually evil. This happened when I over-analyzed body language. My husband gave a sidelong look that had me convinced he was on the evil team even though he was actually one of my good compadres. Another player nodded his head sagely at one point. After I stopped laughing hysterically, I told him he had to be evil because of his self-righteousness, which made us all laugh even harder. Of course, he turned out to be good.

This game wreaked havoc with my judgment in part because I rely heavily on intuition in my daily life. On a Myers-Briggs test, I always come out strongly Intuitive as opposed to Sensing. I'm usually pretty accurate in my initial assessments of people's characters (though I take pains to keep an open mind, especially if my first impression is in any way negative).

When a bunch of very bright, nice, honest people do their absolute best to act like deceptive people, it seriously messes with my Intuitive sonar. This is actually really enjoyable if it's just a game--thrilling in the same way as a rollercoaster ride for speed junkies.

My false intuitions about my good allies reminded me, however, that our strengths are also usually our weaknesses. During the final round, there were a few statements that should have tipped me off that two of the players were evil. But I was so busy trying to use my intuition that I couldn't trust the plain evidence when it popped up.

How about you? Are you intuitive? Is that ever a weakness, or only an advantage for you?

My Publishing Journey

So, I see these other blogs from time to time in which "pre-published" authors discuss their publishing adventures.

Maybe their circumstances are different from mine, but I'm not about to discuss my pre-publishing adventures until I have a contract. And even then, there will still be some stories that never pass my lips.

Publishing is a weird business. Relationships with agents and editors are important. Strange twists and turns in the progress of a novel from manuscript to published book sometimes may not reflect well on all parties. I am blessed with an exceptional agent who has thus far been a complete credit to her profession in every way. Even discussing my conversations with her, however, might give away some happenings behind the scenes which are better kept private.

I hope that one day--perhaps years from now--I will be able to talk more freely about some aspects of this journey. It is very interesting, believe me!

How about you, fellow writers? Do you ever get frustrated by the necessary secrecy that surrounds certain parts of the publishing business?

The Quiz that Ate Facebook

Sweet goodness! as a friend likes to say.

My "Which book of the Bible are you?" Facebook quiz continues to rack up the users.

It has almost 150,000 active monthly users.

Fifteen hundred people call themselves "fans" of the quiz.

I think I am going to have to write another one just to see if I can match these statistics.

If you haven't taken it yet and you woould like to try, type in the whole phrase "What book of the Bible are you?" to the Facebook search engine. Typing in only a partial phrase won't find it. CORRECTION: You must type WHICH book of the Bible are you? not "what book." Sorry.

I wrote this quiz to entertain myself on a long car trip, so don't take it too seriously. :-)

It's Probably Me

Some of you know that I'm an admirer of Sting. He's my favorite secular musician.

But how secular is he?

In search of the answer, I just broke down and ordered his memoir of childhood and adolescence, entitled Broken Music. Readers give him rave reviews for his writing style, and some seem surprised by his writing talent. It doesn't surprise me that he can write well. There are three reasons I've included Sting in my mental and musical life for over twenty years.

1) He writes great lyrics.
2) He's an excellent musician who is always challenging himself with new styles.
3) He is a spiritual seeker.

He also has a great singing voice, though he's lost some of his range after years of singing uncannily high notes. That's OK. If you're a great musician, you can still sing even when you're old and the physical instrument isn't what is used to be.

I ordered his memoir because I'm intrigued by his spiritual life, and I want to know more about it. It's unlikely that he's a believer, but some of his albums of the last decade or so rely heavily on Christian imagery and even overt references to Christ. In particular, Sacred Love (2003) refers to Jesus many times.

Take this song from Ten Summoner's Tales, "It's Probably Me." This is one of my favorite love songs of all time. I like to read this song as if it is written in the voice of Christ speaking to a skeptic. Perhaps I only think so because it describes sacrificial love, but you can read it yourself and decide. Whether or not Sting intended it that way, it's very beautiful when interpreted through faith. (It would also be a great song for Samuel, the father figure in my novel, to sing to Will, the "adopted" son. :-)

If the night turned cold
And the stars looked down
And you hug yourself
On the cold cold ground
You wake the morning
In a stranger's coat
No-one would you see
You ask yourself, 'Who'd watch for me?'
My only friend, who could it be?
It's hard to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me

When your belly's empty
And the hunger's so real
And you're too proud to beg
And too dumb to steal
You search the city
For your only friend
No-one would you see
You ask yourself, Who'll Watch For Me?'
A solitary voice to speak out and set me free
I hate to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me

You're not the easiest person I ever got to know
And it's hard for us both to let our feelings show
Some would say
I should let you go your way
You'll only make me cry
If there's one guy, just one guy
Who'd lay down his life for you and die
I hate to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me

When the world's gone crazy, and it makes no sense
And there's only one voice that comes to your defence
And the jury's out
And your eyes search the room
And one friendly face is all you need to see
If there's one guy, just one guy
Who'd lay down his life for you and die
I hate to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me.

If you'd like to hear the beautiful music accompanied by Eric Clapton, listen here. I don't like this version quite as much as the one on the studio album, but it's still good.

Shuffle Ball Change

At my first tap class of the fall, I enjoy myself immensely, blending in with the small herd hoofing it across the studio.

It is amazing how doing just one thing a week that is pure fun, all by myself, charges up my batteries and sends me back to the rest of the week with a glow.

Dance is a perfect activity for relaxation, at least for someone like me who thrives on private time. I get to go out, work hard, get some exercise, and listen to music, all at once, without having to make too much small talk. When we talk in class, we're usually exchanging quick jokes about our incompetence. Other than that, we listen to Mr. Leonard, tap guru. He is mild-mannered and kind, but he will correct us to help our technique.

Right now, I'm remembering how to get "up" on the balls of my feet. The steps are pretty easy if you do them flatfooted, or old school. It takes more balance to get the proper lightness. This means that I look really klutzy as I try to lift up on wobbling ankles that haven't tapped for six weeks. But that's part of the fun. In my summer class, I felt a great sense of achievement when my extra practice eventually strengthened those toothpick ankles.

Back flap, brush, ball change.

On the way home, "Everybody Dance Now!" plays on the radio. In my mind, I tap to this song like Savion Glover, gliding across the floor with a casual slouch to my shoulders, toes and heels striking sparks from the floor, jumping, pausing, and adding crazy rhythms to the dance beat. In my mind. :-)