I took my daughter to her first real tap class.
She had a few introductory lessons in tap last year--or was it the year before? At any rate, during that "baby" program, I noticed that she had an affinity for tap. When she danced her ballet routine, she looked like a typical kid going through the motions, but tap-dancing was an instinctive, joyful form of self-expression, even in her very basic steps. She did the moves with a personal style that came out of nowhere. It was the kind of thing only a mom would notice, but I was pretty sure that she was a tapper by nature, not a ballerina.
When I took her to the tap class tonight, I didn't realize that she would be joining a class of kids who had all been taking tap together for four or five months. The instructor launched into a high-energy forty-five minute lesson that included many intermediate-level steps that my daughter had never seen.
I was so happy to see my daughter's intense focus and self-discipline. She worked her hardest for the whole lesson, and did an impressive job of picking things up, considering her age and her lack of experience. She loved every minute of it and asked when she would get another lesson.
The class confirmed my impression that she has natural ability for this kind of dancing.
There's something wonderful about seeing a gift that is purely heaven-sent in your child. I have had no external influence on her talent or desire for tap-dancing. She requested the lessons, and I simply responded to her interest.
I've always worried about making her into a show kid, because I was something of a small-scale show kid, and that's not healthy. But I don't want to refuse her the opportunity to develop a talent. What I try to emphasize about the arts is that being a "star" is meaningless, despite what all the toys and TV shows say. I tell her that what brings true satisfaction in any artistic pursuit is being very, very good at something you have worked long and hard to master.
I also tell her that singing and dancing are great ways to have fun, but not a good job choice!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
The Big Question
Here I am again, back to the question that I thought I was going to solve by putting my daughter in a private Christian school.
What is the best way to educate a gifted only child?
I am concerned about the slow pace of instruction at her school. I know that she is capable of so much more, and I fear that she will lose interest in academics if she spends too much time doing tasks that are way below her instructional level.
So I'm back to the same solution I once thought I might use. Homeschooling. Maybe.
I asked her tonight what she would think of having Mom teach her next year at home, instead of going to school.
To my shock, she said: "That would be good." I repeatedly asked her questions about whether she would be OK staying home with me, instead of being with a bunch of kids. She seemed convinced that she would prefer homeschooling.
I was floored. I had assumed that if I ever tried to homeschool her, I would have to convince her of its benefits. So with her unexpected response, one major obstacle to homeschooling fell by the wayside.
The second major challenge is the only-child situation. I think that I could work around it through lessons and support groups.
The final challenge would be figuring out how to handle her academic needs. I can't just order a first grade DVD program, for example, because most of it will be far too easy. (In fact, she's already been through some of the workbooks in one first-grade program.) At the same time, I worry about skipping key concepts if I take her straight to grade two.
I'm going to look at my friend's Sonlight curriculum this week. I like the World History program they use for first and second graders. She would love that. And I agree with the Sonlight philosophy that we need to educate children culturally if we want advanced readers to understand the things they read.
There is no question that homeschooling will make my life more challenging in certain ways. It will be harder to set a writing schedule, for example. I may have to revert to the old school method I used to write my dissertation: getting up two hours before everyone else. Ugh.
But my daughter's education is worth lost sleep and lifestyle changes. It's not that I want her to be a hothoused supergenius. I just want her to discover the immense rewards of learning. I don't want her curiosity to be shut down by boredom.
I am aware of quite a few successful writer-moms who homeschool. Some of them even homeschool four or five children.
On a personal level, I'm touched by the fact that she thinks staying home with me for school would be OK. I must have done something right.
What is the best way to educate a gifted only child?
I am concerned about the slow pace of instruction at her school. I know that she is capable of so much more, and I fear that she will lose interest in academics if she spends too much time doing tasks that are way below her instructional level.
So I'm back to the same solution I once thought I might use. Homeschooling. Maybe.
I asked her tonight what she would think of having Mom teach her next year at home, instead of going to school.
To my shock, she said: "That would be good." I repeatedly asked her questions about whether she would be OK staying home with me, instead of being with a bunch of kids. She seemed convinced that she would prefer homeschooling.
I was floored. I had assumed that if I ever tried to homeschool her, I would have to convince her of its benefits. So with her unexpected response, one major obstacle to homeschooling fell by the wayside.
The second major challenge is the only-child situation. I think that I could work around it through lessons and support groups.
The final challenge would be figuring out how to handle her academic needs. I can't just order a first grade DVD program, for example, because most of it will be far too easy. (In fact, she's already been through some of the workbooks in one first-grade program.) At the same time, I worry about skipping key concepts if I take her straight to grade two.
I'm going to look at my friend's Sonlight curriculum this week. I like the World History program they use for first and second graders. She would love that. And I agree with the Sonlight philosophy that we need to educate children culturally if we want advanced readers to understand the things they read.
There is no question that homeschooling will make my life more challenging in certain ways. It will be harder to set a writing schedule, for example. I may have to revert to the old school method I used to write my dissertation: getting up two hours before everyone else. Ugh.
But my daughter's education is worth lost sleep and lifestyle changes. It's not that I want her to be a hothoused supergenius. I just want her to discover the immense rewards of learning. I don't want her curiosity to be shut down by boredom.
I am aware of quite a few successful writer-moms who homeschool. Some of them even homeschool four or five children.
On a personal level, I'm touched by the fact that she thinks staying home with me for school would be OK. I must have done something right.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Don't Be Afraid
We had another great lesson in our study of Esther. The teacher reminded us that the most common instruction in the Bible is "Don't Be Afraid."
That's a great thought, at any time, but especially when we're struggling with the fears that can eat us alive and steal our joy: the death of our dreams, our loved ones, perhaps our self-respect.
The teacher extended her point to say that once the enemy discovers your greatest fear and finds out that it works as a tool to beat you down, he will threaten you with it again and again.
So we absolutely must face down our fears, unless we want to be enslaved by them for the rest of our lives.
Love drives out fear. The more we focus on love--God's love for us, our love for God, our love for one another--the less fearful we will be.
That's a great thought, at any time, but especially when we're struggling with the fears that can eat us alive and steal our joy: the death of our dreams, our loved ones, perhaps our self-respect.
The teacher extended her point to say that once the enemy discovers your greatest fear and finds out that it works as a tool to beat you down, he will threaten you with it again and again.
So we absolutely must face down our fears, unless we want to be enslaved by them for the rest of our lives.
Love drives out fear. The more we focus on love--God's love for us, our love for God, our love for one another--the less fearful we will be.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Passion
In our small group tonight, we had a really good conversation based on the introduction to our new study book, They Like Jesus But Not the Church.
It's not common these days to sit around with a few friends who are really passionate about a subject and have a frank discussion. Passion is impolite. It leads us to say things that we really mean, without worrying as much as usual whether others agree with us. Even if there's no obvious conflict, there's always the risk that someone might secretly view our opinions in a negative light.
After I have a passionate conversation like this one, I have a tendency to worry about having exposed too much of myself, said too much, given an impression I didn't intend because I can't see myself as others see me.
But life is for living. If we never share our real opinions, we will never come to know one another. It's also inevitable that some people may choose to dislike us if they disagree with our opinions. Personally, I don't like or dislike people based on their opinions. My liking for a person is based on her character. I would gladly be friends with an honest, loyal, compassionate person who disagreed with me in politics and religion, as long as she was open-minded enough to accept our differences.
One of the problems with passionate discussion over the internet is that it's much harder to have a true heart-to-heart talk on a controversial subject.
I have had frank, in-person talks with friends in which we changed one another's minds and opened up new ways of thinking. I haven't seen that happen a lot on the internet. I think it's often too hard to tell whether the person you are addressing is truly open to discussion, or whether she's going to snap when you push a discussion too far. (By the way, I'm not referring to any particular person or discussion here. Just the abstract principle.)
Do you have passionate discussions with friends in which you disagree with one another in a civil manner?
It's not common these days to sit around with a few friends who are really passionate about a subject and have a frank discussion. Passion is impolite. It leads us to say things that we really mean, without worrying as much as usual whether others agree with us. Even if there's no obvious conflict, there's always the risk that someone might secretly view our opinions in a negative light.
After I have a passionate conversation like this one, I have a tendency to worry about having exposed too much of myself, said too much, given an impression I didn't intend because I can't see myself as others see me.
But life is for living. If we never share our real opinions, we will never come to know one another. It's also inevitable that some people may choose to dislike us if they disagree with our opinions. Personally, I don't like or dislike people based on their opinions. My liking for a person is based on her character. I would gladly be friends with an honest, loyal, compassionate person who disagreed with me in politics and religion, as long as she was open-minded enough to accept our differences.
One of the problems with passionate discussion over the internet is that it's much harder to have a true heart-to-heart talk on a controversial subject.
I have had frank, in-person talks with friends in which we changed one another's minds and opened up new ways of thinking. I haven't seen that happen a lot on the internet. I think it's often too hard to tell whether the person you are addressing is truly open to discussion, or whether she's going to snap when you push a discussion too far. (By the way, I'm not referring to any particular person or discussion here. Just the abstract principle.)
Do you have passionate discussions with friends in which you disagree with one another in a civil manner?
Friday, February 20, 2009
An Historic Day
Like my title, Kat? Hee hee.
Here's my personally-historic moment.
My daughter asked to wear a dress to school yesterday. She said: "_________ wears dresses all the time. I want to wear a dress."
Uh-oh. The magic threshhold. Once we cross it, we never go back.
This is why I have never encouraged her to be interested in clothing. I knew she would eventually take an interest, but I wanted her to spend as many years as possible in her innocent, careless state.
But there are some consolations. I have to admit that it's fun to buy cute little-girl dresses.
Here's my personally-historic moment.
My daughter asked to wear a dress to school yesterday. She said: "_________ wears dresses all the time. I want to wear a dress."
Uh-oh. The magic threshhold. Once we cross it, we never go back.
This is why I have never encouraged her to be interested in clothing. I knew she would eventually take an interest, but I wanted her to spend as many years as possible in her innocent, careless state.
But there are some consolations. I have to admit that it's fun to buy cute little-girl dresses.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
What My Characters Look Like
I spent far too much time last night trying to find pictures of actors and actresses who look like my characters.
It's interesting (which is why I ended up doing it for an hour) but I don't recommend it for authors! It's just too difficult to match real people with the faces that already exist in my imagination.
Here are the closest models I found for the lead characters in both my novels:
KATE, from my first novel
Kate's face is narrower and her forehead not as high as Ms. Bosworth's. She has "black Irish" coloring with very pale skin, black curly hair, and bright blue eyes.
BEN, from my first novel
Ben has dark, wavy hair like Ioan Gruffudd, but his face isn't as angular--he looks more American and less European. I chose Ioan because Ben's eyes are dark too.
ANN from my second novel
First, Ann wouldn't be smiling. She would be dressed in a high-necked blouse and her hair would be pulled up loosely in a Victorian style. But she has the same coloring and girl-next-door quality of a young Sally Field.
WILL, from my second novel
I'm least satisfied with this one. This actor looks like Will in this photo because his face is pretty gaunt, but Will's chin is not as long, and his hair is thicker.
Someone asked me last night whether I had seen photos of these people before I wrote my characters. The answer is no. I can't quite explain how the images of my characters formed, but I can only think that they must be composites of various people I have met in my life. (I can think of two people right away who influenced my mental portrait of Kate--someone I knew in college for the hair and facial shape, and a brunette friend from grad school who has striking blue eyes.)
If novelists didn't have really clear ideas about how their characters looked, they wouldn't be able to imagine them and describe them. That's why it's such a headache for casting directors to cast really well-known novels, as I've mentioned before. If Gandalf hadn't looked like Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings--if Legolas had been too short or not elfin enough--fans would have mutinied.
It's interesting (which is why I ended up doing it for an hour) but I don't recommend it for authors! It's just too difficult to match real people with the faces that already exist in my imagination.
Here are the closest models I found for the lead characters in both my novels:
KATE, from my first novel
Kate's face is narrower and her forehead not as high as Ms. Bosworth's. She has "black Irish" coloring with very pale skin, black curly hair, and bright blue eyes.
BEN, from my first novel
Ben has dark, wavy hair like Ioan Gruffudd, but his face isn't as angular--he looks more American and less European. I chose Ioan because Ben's eyes are dark too.
ANN from my second novel
First, Ann wouldn't be smiling. She would be dressed in a high-necked blouse and her hair would be pulled up loosely in a Victorian style. But she has the same coloring and girl-next-door quality of a young Sally Field.
WILL, from my second novel
I'm least satisfied with this one. This actor looks like Will in this photo because his face is pretty gaunt, but Will's chin is not as long, and his hair is thicker.
Someone asked me last night whether I had seen photos of these people before I wrote my characters. The answer is no. I can't quite explain how the images of my characters formed, but I can only think that they must be composites of various people I have met in my life. (I can think of two people right away who influenced my mental portrait of Kate--someone I knew in college for the hair and facial shape, and a brunette friend from grad school who has striking blue eyes.)
If novelists didn't have really clear ideas about how their characters looked, they wouldn't be able to imagine them and describe them. That's why it's such a headache for casting directors to cast really well-known novels, as I've mentioned before. If Gandalf hadn't looked like Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings--if Legolas had been too short or not elfin enough--fans would have mutinied.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Pivot
This week's study of Esther emphasized the following idea:
God sometimes brings crisis into our lives in order to allow us to pivot and move in a new direction.
During our trip this long weekend, I felt the dawn of renewal. The volunteer fatigue that has been plaguing me for a couple of months finally lifted, and I found myself excited about some new projects and new ministry efforts.
It's a pivot.
Sometimes, fatigue may just be a sign that we need to rest, particularly if that fatigue creeps into everything we're doing. But in this case, I think my malaise may have been a signal that God needs my effort in a new kind of work.
There are people around me who have needs that aren't being met. I would like to help, and I have some simple ideas about how to reach out to them. I love beginnings!
OK, I don't really love the beginning stage of writing a novel, but I love other beginnings. :-)
God sometimes brings crisis into our lives in order to allow us to pivot and move in a new direction.
During our trip this long weekend, I felt the dawn of renewal. The volunteer fatigue that has been plaguing me for a couple of months finally lifted, and I found myself excited about some new projects and new ministry efforts.
It's a pivot.
Sometimes, fatigue may just be a sign that we need to rest, particularly if that fatigue creeps into everything we're doing. But in this case, I think my malaise may have been a signal that God needs my effort in a new kind of work.
There are people around me who have needs that aren't being met. I would like to help, and I have some simple ideas about how to reach out to them. I love beginnings!
OK, I don't really love the beginning stage of writing a novel, but I love other beginnings. :-)
Monday, February 16, 2009
A Rare Must-Read Book: This is Your Brain on Joy
Here's an unusual book that may help lots and lots of people.
Dr. Earl Henslin's This is Your Brain on Joy is a study of the neurological roots of human emotion. But Henslin offers much more than popular brain science. His book is a comprehensive and practical guide to mental health, rooted firmly in a Christian worldview.
Henslin's subject is how to balance one's mood by caring for one's body (nutrition and exercise) and one's brain (environment, reading, movies, prayer etc.).
Refreshingly, Henslin also acknowledges the beneficial and sometimes indispensable role that medication can play in treating mood or brain disorders. This is a welcome corrective to the rare but annoying Christians who insist that medication is always a sign of spiritual failure. If you have ever known and loved someone with a chemical imbalance, you are already well aware that discouraging the use of medication can be dangerous.
Henslin's research using brain imaging to detect emotional overactivity is fascinating. I appreciate the way he divides his book into sections for each kind of emotional overactivity, for example: the deep limbic system is the source of depression, the basal ganglia holds anxieties and phobias, and the temporal lobes are the seat of anger and impulsivity problems.
He also discusses foods that help balance emotions, other natural supplements, music, exercise, and the role of scripture and prayer.
This is a humane and compassionate work that will help us understand that we do not have to be passive victims of our emotional lives. Instead, we can take a proactive approach through lifestyle, spiritual exercise, and/or medication to liberate us from destructive brain chemistry.
I recommend this book very highly. In our unhealthy culture, we need to study how to live a healthier life. This may be the most important non-fiction book I've read in several years.
Dr. Earl Henslin's This is Your Brain on Joy is a study of the neurological roots of human emotion. But Henslin offers much more than popular brain science. His book is a comprehensive and practical guide to mental health, rooted firmly in a Christian worldview.
Henslin's subject is how to balance one's mood by caring for one's body (nutrition and exercise) and one's brain (environment, reading, movies, prayer etc.).
Refreshingly, Henslin also acknowledges the beneficial and sometimes indispensable role that medication can play in treating mood or brain disorders. This is a welcome corrective to the rare but annoying Christians who insist that medication is always a sign of spiritual failure. If you have ever known and loved someone with a chemical imbalance, you are already well aware that discouraging the use of medication can be dangerous.
Henslin's research using brain imaging to detect emotional overactivity is fascinating. I appreciate the way he divides his book into sections for each kind of emotional overactivity, for example: the deep limbic system is the source of depression, the basal ganglia holds anxieties and phobias, and the temporal lobes are the seat of anger and impulsivity problems.
He also discusses foods that help balance emotions, other natural supplements, music, exercise, and the role of scripture and prayer.
This is a humane and compassionate work that will help us understand that we do not have to be passive victims of our emotional lives. Instead, we can take a proactive approach through lifestyle, spiritual exercise, and/or medication to liberate us from destructive brain chemistry.
I recommend this book very highly. In our unhealthy culture, we need to study how to live a healthier life. This may be the most important non-fiction book I've read in several years.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
The Great Day!
Today, I had the privilege of seeing my long-distance friend Alison again as we passed through her hometown.
In addition, I met for the first time Alison's husband Dave and my blogging friend Will Travis Inman. This was so cool! Will Travis (he goes by either, so I'll use both to avoid confusion) tricked me in the parking lot because he looks very official in his uniform. He had me half-convinced that people from Albuquerque were not allowed to park at that restaurant. Until I saw his nametag peeping out from under his jacket. :-) I also met the very nice Inman family, including Will Travis's wife Sarah and his children. Though my daughter was just a wee bit overtired, she shared a good laugh with Seth, the other 6-year-old present.
Thanks to all of you for coming out to meet us. It's a really good feeling to know that we can connect with people of common interests all across the country, and that those people are REAL. Well, sometimes. :-) I acknowledge that I may discover someday that one of my female writer friends is actually a 16-year-old male with twelve separate internet identities.
In addition, I met for the first time Alison's husband Dave and my blogging friend Will Travis Inman. This was so cool! Will Travis (he goes by either, so I'll use both to avoid confusion) tricked me in the parking lot because he looks very official in his uniform. He had me half-convinced that people from Albuquerque were not allowed to park at that restaurant. Until I saw his nametag peeping out from under his jacket. :-) I also met the very nice Inman family, including Will Travis's wife Sarah and his children. Though my daughter was just a wee bit overtired, she shared a good laugh with Seth, the other 6-year-old present.
Thanks to all of you for coming out to meet us. It's a really good feeling to know that we can connect with people of common interests all across the country, and that those people are REAL. Well, sometimes. :-) I acknowledge that I may discover someday that one of my female writer friends is actually a 16-year-old male with twelve separate internet identities.
Educating My Daughter
I'm teaching the class for four, five, and six year olds at our church on Wednesday nights.
I just started teaching this class four weeks ago. The class includes my six-year-old daughter. For the past two weeks, her behavior has been less than ideal.
The problem is that the material is too easy for her. Way too easy. This isn't anyone's fault; parents can't expect a custom-designed program for every kid at church. Children tend to be separated by age groups both in regular school and in church education. My daughter is ahead of her chronological age--in reading and in her capacity for abstract thinking. This creates a problem that has plagued parents for decades: what do you do with a child who has special educational needs in a world that standardizes everything by age? You can't just stick 'em in a higher grade. Like many kids who are advanced in some academic areas, my daughter is a normal six-year-old in her emotional development. She wouldn't fit in with older kids.
This summer, my daughter will move up to the elementary branch of our church education program. Our church program for 1st through 5th graders is designed in very creative ways that will interest her.
We had a long talk tonight in which we discussed the necessity of learning to behave well even when one is bored. She told me that she liked the previous curriculum better than the one I'm teaching now. (Even I enjoyed the Little K videos for the previous curriculum!) But younger kids absorb more through the hands-on type of class I'm teaching now, so there's no clear solution.
But I do feel guilty. I'm the teacher of this class. I feel that I should be able to find a solution. Unfortunately, the wide range of ages and abilities makes it impossible to create a class that suits all the kids. The only remedy that teachers have found for this situation is to send the advanced kid off to do independent study. That doesn't work too well for a highly-social six year old!
Does anyone have any wisdom gleaned from the process of educating your own kids?
I just started teaching this class four weeks ago. The class includes my six-year-old daughter. For the past two weeks, her behavior has been less than ideal.
The problem is that the material is too easy for her. Way too easy. This isn't anyone's fault; parents can't expect a custom-designed program for every kid at church. Children tend to be separated by age groups both in regular school and in church education. My daughter is ahead of her chronological age--in reading and in her capacity for abstract thinking. This creates a problem that has plagued parents for decades: what do you do with a child who has special educational needs in a world that standardizes everything by age? You can't just stick 'em in a higher grade. Like many kids who are advanced in some academic areas, my daughter is a normal six-year-old in her emotional development. She wouldn't fit in with older kids.
This summer, my daughter will move up to the elementary branch of our church education program. Our church program for 1st through 5th graders is designed in very creative ways that will interest her.
We had a long talk tonight in which we discussed the necessity of learning to behave well even when one is bored. She told me that she liked the previous curriculum better than the one I'm teaching now. (Even I enjoyed the Little K videos for the previous curriculum!) But younger kids absorb more through the hands-on type of class I'm teaching now, so there's no clear solution.
But I do feel guilty. I'm the teacher of this class. I feel that I should be able to find a solution. Unfortunately, the wide range of ages and abilities makes it impossible to create a class that suits all the kids. The only remedy that teachers have found for this situation is to send the advanced kid off to do independent study. That doesn't work too well for a highly-social six year old!
Does anyone have any wisdom gleaned from the process of educating your own kids?
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The Honest Scrap Award
I'm honored that The Blundering Discoverer has given my blog the Honest Scrap Award. This means I am honest. :-)
I can accept this award. I may be obnoxious and otherwise flawed in more ways than I care to list right now, but I am generally honest.
Here's the procedure for the award:
A) First list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it honest (hence, the award 'Honest Scrap'), even if you have to dig deep!
B) Pass the award on to 8 bloggers who embody the role of the Honest Scrap. (This is an award only to display on your blog that everything you write on it is in truth, sincerity, and integrity.)
So I can honestly say that:
1) I hug my daughter about ten times a day. At least. I can't get enough hugs from that tiny body that will always be precious, but won't always be tiny.
2) I often want to help ease other people's burdens. A favorite saying I encountered when I was in high school is "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a tough battle." I don't always live up to this thought, but I would like to.
3) I am sometimes afraid of women I don't know. We're doing a study on women right now, and I am so glad that Beth Moore is telling it like it really is!
4) As a wife, I have a lot of room for improvement.
5) I love sleep. Any bed in my home is the safest, most comfortable place on earth. I don't usually nap, but I need about eight or nine hours of sleep a night to function well.
6) For about one day a month, I have a hard time with my hormones. I usually like to wall myself up somewhere where I can't do any damage to myself or others because of things I might say during mood swings. This is a strategy that has worked very well for me now that I have the freedom to implement it. I have sympathy for those women who can't just opt out of most human contact for 24 hours. I think it would be very helpful to give every man a day's dose of estrogen when he reaches adulthood, so he would know how frustrating it is to be subject to chemical mood changes. :-)
7) I usually do not pay attention to other people's spoken or written grammar, despite the paranoia I occasionally encounter when people find out I have an advanced degree in English. A grammatical error has to be one of a very few pet peeves for me to notice it. (Don't get me started on the death of the adverb.) And even if I notice it, it usually doesn't bother me.
8) I'm pretty sad to lose our second set of boardgame-playing friends, who are moving away soon. We lost the first set to a military relocation last October. Now we have to cultivate a new set of friends who will be willing to play strategic games. Many couples only want to play social games, but we also like the games that involve some thought.
9) I struggle with a nervous nail-biting habit. Right now, I'm very pleased that my Invisalign is preventing me from biting my nails.
10) I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I have a couple of friends (and a sister-friend) who have been a part of my life for twenty years or more. I treasure these people. They're all part of my spiritual family.
I can't pick 8 bloggers to tag with the award -- my brain has turned into a pumpkin because it is 11:00pm Mountain Time. Good night, everyone!
I can accept this award. I may be obnoxious and otherwise flawed in more ways than I care to list right now, but I am generally honest.
Here's the procedure for the award:
A) First list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it honest (hence, the award 'Honest Scrap'), even if you have to dig deep!
B) Pass the award on to 8 bloggers who embody the role of the Honest Scrap. (This is an award only to display on your blog that everything you write on it is in truth, sincerity, and integrity.)
So I can honestly say that:
1) I hug my daughter about ten times a day. At least. I can't get enough hugs from that tiny body that will always be precious, but won't always be tiny.
2) I often want to help ease other people's burdens. A favorite saying I encountered when I was in high school is "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a tough battle." I don't always live up to this thought, but I would like to.
3) I am sometimes afraid of women I don't know. We're doing a study on women right now, and I am so glad that Beth Moore is telling it like it really is!
4) As a wife, I have a lot of room for improvement.
5) I love sleep. Any bed in my home is the safest, most comfortable place on earth. I don't usually nap, but I need about eight or nine hours of sleep a night to function well.
6) For about one day a month, I have a hard time with my hormones. I usually like to wall myself up somewhere where I can't do any damage to myself or others because of things I might say during mood swings. This is a strategy that has worked very well for me now that I have the freedom to implement it. I have sympathy for those women who can't just opt out of most human contact for 24 hours. I think it would be very helpful to give every man a day's dose of estrogen when he reaches adulthood, so he would know how frustrating it is to be subject to chemical mood changes. :-)
7) I usually do not pay attention to other people's spoken or written grammar, despite the paranoia I occasionally encounter when people find out I have an advanced degree in English. A grammatical error has to be one of a very few pet peeves for me to notice it. (Don't get me started on the death of the adverb.) And even if I notice it, it usually doesn't bother me.
8) I'm pretty sad to lose our second set of boardgame-playing friends, who are moving away soon. We lost the first set to a military relocation last October. Now we have to cultivate a new set of friends who will be willing to play strategic games. Many couples only want to play social games, but we also like the games that involve some thought.
9) I struggle with a nervous nail-biting habit. Right now, I'm very pleased that my Invisalign is preventing me from biting my nails.
10) I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I have a couple of friends (and a sister-friend) who have been a part of my life for twenty years or more. I treasure these people. They're all part of my spiritual family.
I can't pick 8 bloggers to tag with the award -- my brain has turned into a pumpkin because it is 11:00pm Mountain Time. Good night, everyone!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Anonymous Prayer
Lord, Thou knowest me better than I know myself, that I am growing older and will someday be old.
Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.
Release me from craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs.
Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy.
With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all,
But Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.
Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details;
Give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains.
They are increasing, and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of others’ pains,
But help me to endure them with patience.
I dare not ask for improved memory,
But for a growing humility and a lessening cocksureness
When my memory seems to clash with the memories of others.
Teach me the glorious lesson that I may occasionally be mistaken.
Keep me reasonably sweet;
I do not want to be a saint—some of them are so hard to live with—but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.
Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places,
And talents in unexpected people.
And give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so. Amen.
--Anonymous
I found this prayer in a book that I will be reviewing soon. Isn't it great?
Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.
Release me from craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs.
Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy.
With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all,
But Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.
Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details;
Give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains.
They are increasing, and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of others’ pains,
But help me to endure them with patience.
I dare not ask for improved memory,
But for a growing humility and a lessening cocksureness
When my memory seems to clash with the memories of others.
Teach me the glorious lesson that I may occasionally be mistaken.
Keep me reasonably sweet;
I do not want to be a saint—some of them are so hard to live with—but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.
Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places,
And talents in unexpected people.
And give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so. Amen.
--Anonymous
I found this prayer in a book that I will be reviewing soon. Isn't it great?
Monday, February 9, 2009
Gentle Mouth
I don't know why this touches me so much, but this morning I can't stop thinking about my dog's gentle mouth.
Snow is a very playful dog who loves to fall down and wrestle with us, flailing her legs and snorting. She's also pretty mouthy and will nibble our hands or even seize our hands in her mouth and hold them.
Even when she is most excited, her "bite" is incredibly soft. She has learned how to close her mouth on a human hand as if she were holding an egg between her teeth.
Her teeth are pretty sharp and white. She could do some serious damage if she wished.
Her love for us is amazing. She's just an animal, but even in wrestling mode she can control her instinctual reactions to make sure that she doesn't hurt us.
How many of us humans can boast the same control and love?
Snow is a very playful dog who loves to fall down and wrestle with us, flailing her legs and snorting. She's also pretty mouthy and will nibble our hands or even seize our hands in her mouth and hold them.
Even when she is most excited, her "bite" is incredibly soft. She has learned how to close her mouth on a human hand as if she were holding an egg between her teeth.
Her teeth are pretty sharp and white. She could do some serious damage if she wished.
Her love for us is amazing. She's just an animal, but even in wrestling mode she can control her instinctual reactions to make sure that she doesn't hurt us.
How many of us humans can boast the same control and love?
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Personality vs. Behavior
The other day at our small group dinner, one of our group members who is pretty new made the following joking observation to me. "You and your husband both talk a lot. Which one of you talks more when you're alone?"
I was surprised by her perception, but when I thought about it, I realized that it was accurate given her exposure to me. She sees me almost exclusively in the context of our small group. I *do* talk a lot at small group. For one thing, I enjoy the company of these particular people! In groups whose conversation is less interesting, I won't talk much at all.
In fact, I'm a pretty quiet person most of the time. Literally. I spend hours per day working alone on one project or another. Some are exciting (novels), others mundane (paying bills and doing laundry). But the vast majority of the time, I'm by myself.
This doesn't bother me usually. Hardly ever, now that I have friends in town and internet friends. It disturbed me when we first moved here, but that's because I felt that my solitude was involuntary. Now, it feels like a choice that I make in order to do the work that must be done. And though my Myers-Briggs test says that I am half-introvert, half extrovert, I'm actually an introvert by the other Myers-Briggs definition. That is to say, I derive my energy from my "alone" time, and I become exhausted by too many consecutive hours in the company of others.
My husband, by contrast, is a true extrovert. He derives his energy from contact with other people. He and his family can hang out and talk for ten hours straight. My husband is happy to talk at almost any time. He's a salesman, and he can go out and talk all day for a living and then come home and talk some more without any trouble at all.
So here we are as we appear to our small group, two "characters" displaying the same behavior: love of conversation. Yet, our personalities and our lifestyles are very different. In that situation, he talks a lot because he just loves to socialize. I talk a lot because all my social energy is ramped up by my long, silent hours of work.
It's a great example of the difference between behavior and personality. Characterization in fiction is so complex: it's no wonder we hardly ever get it right for every character in the first draft. I'm in my twelfth chapter and still trying to figure out one aspect of my heroine's personality.
I was surprised by her perception, but when I thought about it, I realized that it was accurate given her exposure to me. She sees me almost exclusively in the context of our small group. I *do* talk a lot at small group. For one thing, I enjoy the company of these particular people! In groups whose conversation is less interesting, I won't talk much at all.
In fact, I'm a pretty quiet person most of the time. Literally. I spend hours per day working alone on one project or another. Some are exciting (novels), others mundane (paying bills and doing laundry). But the vast majority of the time, I'm by myself.
This doesn't bother me usually. Hardly ever, now that I have friends in town and internet friends. It disturbed me when we first moved here, but that's because I felt that my solitude was involuntary. Now, it feels like a choice that I make in order to do the work that must be done. And though my Myers-Briggs test says that I am half-introvert, half extrovert, I'm actually an introvert by the other Myers-Briggs definition. That is to say, I derive my energy from my "alone" time, and I become exhausted by too many consecutive hours in the company of others.
My husband, by contrast, is a true extrovert. He derives his energy from contact with other people. He and his family can hang out and talk for ten hours straight. My husband is happy to talk at almost any time. He's a salesman, and he can go out and talk all day for a living and then come home and talk some more without any trouble at all.
So here we are as we appear to our small group, two "characters" displaying the same behavior: love of conversation. Yet, our personalities and our lifestyles are very different. In that situation, he talks a lot because he just loves to socialize. I talk a lot because all my social energy is ramped up by my long, silent hours of work.
It's a great example of the difference between behavior and personality. Characterization in fiction is so complex: it's no wonder we hardly ever get it right for every character in the first draft. I'm in my twelfth chapter and still trying to figure out one aspect of my heroine's personality.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
American Frump
Every time I look at those poor blighters on American Idol who are trying to make music for a living, I'm thankful that I'm just a writer.
As a writer, I only have to try to look good once or twice a year: for a promotional headshot and perhaps at a writers' conference. I am expected to look dowdy and absent-minded, and perhaps to practice poor personal hygiene. ;-) On the occasions when I do manage to make something of my appearance, I'm a major overachiever.
Musicians, conversely, are expected to be cool and good-looking and to dress on the cutting edge of fashion. The poor guys and gals who just love music and want to practice their art have to deal with the constant threat of cosmetic underachievement, unless they happen to look like Shania Twain.
I wouldn't want that kind of pressure.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Victorian Obsession
For my daughter's upcoming birthday, I found a pre-owned American Girl Samantha doll, in great condition, for about half the price of a new doll. This is especially gratifying because the Samantha dolls have been discontinued as of last month. Now that they are on the collector's market, they cost even more than they did new. I find it hard to justify spending that much on a toy, so I'm quite happy to brag about my thrift.
She does not know she is receiving this doll, because I have warned her that the dolls are very expensive. She has only speculated that she may get one from Santa next year, as money is no object for Santa. :-) And, just so my friends know, it was my daughter who requested the Victorian-era doll, without any brainwashing from Mom. (I was actually brainwashing her to get the colonial-era doll, which I liked even better, but her brain is not easily washed.)
Although I have never been a big fan of dolls, my burgeoning interest in historical costume has made me a fan of the American Girl historical dolls. The outfits are very well made and detailed. I have been drooling over some of the outfits on ebay.
That last dress--the white with the cameo--is not even made by the American Girl company, but instead handcrafted by one of the best of the independent designers that now makes this boutique doll clothing.
These outfits cost anywhere from 20 to 40 dollars each. Yes, that's as much as human clothes for real little girls, and in fact, more than I usually spend on my daughter's dresses. So, obviously, I have to restrain my urge to buy LOTS of outfits.
I did find a pretty good deal on one ensemble to go with the doll.
The cape in this photo is a Black Watch tartan. Too cool. This is the tartan that my father chose for our kilts when we were little. Now that I'm an Elliott by marriage, I qualify for the Elliott clan tartan, but I still have some nostalgia for the Black Watch.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Ghost Novel
I'm becoming steadily more interested by the process of writing this second novel.
It's so, so different from novel #1. It makes me wonder if the unique narrative challenges of each novel I write will inspire a different process. Novel #1 used four points-of-view, but Novel #2 uses only two. Novel #1 developed parallel plots that intersected one another at key moments. Novel #1 has to unveil its complicated subplots in a linear way, in which each subplot must "take its turn." It's interwoven narrative rather than intersecting narrative.
I find myself driven to keep going, keep drafting the original material. Even though my critique partners are giving me great feedback, I'm not doing a lot of editing right now. I print my partners' comments and file them for the time when I go back to write the second draft.
I'm taking their comments to heart as I move forward. For example, one of my heroine's relationships needs to change. So, from chapter ten on, I am writing that relationship in a new way. I base the new chapters on how the relationship will eventually appear in the previous chapters, even though I haven't revised them yet.
As I write, then, I'm creating a "ghost novel" in my head: the imaginary revised opening chapters of the novel that won't actually exist until the second draft.
The process feels more open than the driven inevitability of novel #1. At the same time, I'm not as emotionally invested in every scene yet. Some scenes, yes, but not all. But I've decided not to pressure myself about that. I think it may work differently this time. I'll let it take its own course.
How does it work for you? Do you edit as you go, or churn the whole thing out and then go back for the edits? Do you have a number of possibilities in your head, both forward and backward along the timeline, or do you see the plot as an inevitable progression?
It's so, so different from novel #1. It makes me wonder if the unique narrative challenges of each novel I write will inspire a different process. Novel #1 used four points-of-view, but Novel #2 uses only two. Novel #1 developed parallel plots that intersected one another at key moments. Novel #1 has to unveil its complicated subplots in a linear way, in which each subplot must "take its turn." It's interwoven narrative rather than intersecting narrative.
I find myself driven to keep going, keep drafting the original material. Even though my critique partners are giving me great feedback, I'm not doing a lot of editing right now. I print my partners' comments and file them for the time when I go back to write the second draft.
I'm taking their comments to heart as I move forward. For example, one of my heroine's relationships needs to change. So, from chapter ten on, I am writing that relationship in a new way. I base the new chapters on how the relationship will eventually appear in the previous chapters, even though I haven't revised them yet.
As I write, then, I'm creating a "ghost novel" in my head: the imaginary revised opening chapters of the novel that won't actually exist until the second draft.
The process feels more open than the driven inevitability of novel #1. At the same time, I'm not as emotionally invested in every scene yet. Some scenes, yes, but not all. But I've decided not to pressure myself about that. I think it may work differently this time. I'll let it take its own course.
How does it work for you? Do you edit as you go, or churn the whole thing out and then go back for the edits? Do you have a number of possibilities in your head, both forward and backward along the timeline, or do you see the plot as an inevitable progression?
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