I've been going through a real crisis of late.
Two of them, actually. One is personal enough that I can't discuss it, the other is related to my deep disappointment with my experience of "church." (That's not disappointment with God, but with we human beings who create inefficient, worldly and unChristlike institutions.)
In addition to these two spiritual trials, I've been feeling the constant subliminal strain of waiting to hear news on my novel. It has not been a highly pleasurable and relaxing time in my life.
I decided to mention this because I received a gift late this afternoon that has completely changed my attitude toward this time of disorientation and crisis.
Exhausted from my emotional rollercoaster, I took my daughter to the library to while away half an hour before a doctor's appointment. She went to watch a Froggy storytime. I had a few minutes to myself in the library.
I needed help. I was wiped out, and at the end of my rope with all the stresses I was carrying.
I walked over to the computer search terminal and typed in "Bible" to see what would come up.
I saw a couple of interesting titles under the call number 220.1, so I decided to go browse around that call number in search of "help."
While looking through various works related to the Bible, I let my eyes drift to the right, where I saw more general works of Christian nonfiction.
This title caught my eye:
When the Heart Waits.
Oh, how my heart is sick of waiting and confusion. Of course, I had to take it down and look at it.
It's a spiritual memoir by Sue Monk Kidd, the author of The Secret Life of Bees.
I checked it out. I've been reading it now for a couple of hours, setting aside everything else to absorb the truths that Sue Monk Kidd discovered through painful times of waiting and darkness.
I don't say this lightly: this is one of the best books I have ever read.
Get it. Read it.
It has done me more good than a year of church. Well, let me amend that. The book has brought me more comfort than this past year in church. My time at church may have done me good, but in hard ways.
It took an internal storm to drive me to search for anything in the library under the term "Bible."
It took a perfect storm to blow this book into my life.
When the Heart Waits is leading me gently to the perfection in the heart of the storm.
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13 comments:
Have you ever read Yancy's Anchor for the Soul: How my Faith Survived the Church (or something like that). It really meant a lot to me, for similar reasons.
I'm sorry to hear that you've been worn thin lately - there is nothing as distressing as seeing God's people live in a way that contradicts what we say we believe. Life in a church is truly a challenge to our faith at times.
I'm sorry to hear of your church experience. That's sad when the bad hides all the good within.
I'll have to check this book out. Sounds very helpful!
I'm praying for you. And I'm glad that God is still speaking to you in even in your trials. Those are the times that we find He is fully able to calm the storm.
Sometimes I think God choses to let storms blow into our lives, because we aren't desperate enough to find out what ever it is we need to find out when things are calm. I so relate to your post Ross. I too have been VERY worn by church goers and church players. When I crashed and burned last year that whole church scene made me want to vomit at many of God's people. I took a long break from going to church and have only just recently returned.
I have heard of the book you mention. I must check it out.
Kristi - That sounds like a good one too! I'll have to read it.
Eileen - Thanks for your kind words. I'm still conscious that there are always good people in the vast majority of churches, including mine. And our church also does a great job of educating our children, so I am very grateful for that even in the midst of other challenges.
Tamika - Thank you. I appreciate your prayers--and your encouragement, which is like water for dry ground right now.
Tabitha - I just have to love you for your honesty and way with words. More, more of that in my life, please! :-) I'm so glad we met through blogging.
Rosslyn,
As well read as you are, if you say this is one of the best books you've ever read, it makes me want to get it.
Sorry about your church experience. It saddens me to hear these stories. One reason is b/c, as a minister, I help create people's experiences at/with 'church' I know I don't do a good job sometimes. Church is stressful on all sides. I hope whatever it is finds its resolution soon.
I have some interesting titles I can share with you if you care to do some reading on the issue.
wb
I think that one in on my to read list. Books truly are gifts! I know God will refine you during this time, but I offer encouragement and hope. You will see this through.
Sending love,
~ Wendy
Rosslyn, people in our churches can disappoint us but God never does. I remember my brother telling me that he left church because of a man who insisted that he attend a bible study class and not just come to church on Sunday. It grieves my heart as he still doesn't go but I pray for him.
I hate to hear stories of bad church experiences. But what I try to do about that is to look for a person sitting alone and walk over and introduce myself. I try to not just be with my friends even though I love to see them on Sunday. But people can view that as cliques and I don't want that. I want all to feel welcome.
I'm so glad that you found the book to comfort you. I heard of a movie with that title and when I saw a preview I thought it might be one to rent. Is the book the same as that movie?
Praying for you my friend and don't give up on the church because of people.
Hugs to you,
Debbie
Remember, the Church is not our institution but was established by God. Amazing He can use us in our brokeness and sin.
Believe me, I've seen lots of ugly, painful stuff (I'm a pastor's wife). The Church is flawed, but we are still Christ's Bride and need to continue to function as His institution.
And Phillip Yancey is my kindred spirit. Where is God When it Hurts? and Disappointed with God spoke to me in ways few other Christians had the courage, grace, or depth of knowledge to do so.
I have found that in times like the ones you have described it gives me comfort to pray for God to make clearer the way He is working in my life.
It sounds like He has done that for you by leading you to this book.
I'll check it out (as soon as NaNo is over).
The Lord has honored your desire to find the answers through His Word. I'm truly blessed to read this post, Rosslyn.
And speaking of waiting, I think I still owe you a response to an email from yesterday ...
I had a long, long day today, and I just read your post. It confirms my feeling that you should consider NOT taking up a grueling 4:30 am writing schedule at this point in time. You already have a wonderful book (by all reports) that is making the rounds. You need to take time to enjoy your wonderful life (as I gather Josh told you in a different way). Love yourself, and give yourself a hug!
That sounds like a great book. I'm glad it's helping you through this tough time.
I am sorry to hear you're going through a stormy patch. I hope things turn around soon. :)
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