Towards the end of my agnostic decade, I left New York City and went back to live in the South.One of my friends there took me to her Pentecostal church.
The kindness of the women at that church staggered me.
When they spoke to me, they saw me. They weren't greeting me out of a sense of duty. They looked at me very closely and with love, understanding me as a separate person arriving at their doorstep with a full history. Each of them saw me as a person just as substantial and three-dimensional as herself.
One of them placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and said with compassion: "There's just something about you...I don't know what it is, but it touches me."
I think this perceptive woman was referring to my spiritual brokenness, which at that point in my life was probably visible to her. I did not try to hide it--I had no one to impress.
It was a shock to be seen after years of living in New York, where people don't see each other even when they are standing shoulder to shoulder on the subway.
When I recall those lovely Pentecostal women, however, I realize that most of us don't really see each other, whether we live in New York City or in the suburban southwest.
When I greet visitors at church and they greet me, at times the social walls are almost palpable. They act exactly as they would if they were being introduced to any other stranger: polished, guarded, and very, very careful not to say anything personal. They could be at any cocktail party or country club. They don't really see other people in their broken humanity; instead, for whatever reason, they're in autopilot mode.
Isn't this a shame?
Wouldn't it be so much better if more churches showed an obvious difference between us and the unfeeling world as soon as people walked through the door?
If more of us saw other people with loving hearts and the desire to understand them, as those Pentecostal women once truly saw me?
Remembering their kindness has inspired me. My prayer is that I will truly see other people when I look at them.
13 comments:
I'll add this to my prayer too. Wonderful thoughts.
Rosslyn, this is a nice reflection. I do try really hard to SEE people, but in our humanity, we all fall short. Thanks for the kind reminder. I think, though, that if we were to always show our brokenness, it would be too much for us to bear. We are all so broken. But it would be refreshing to see just a little more of the real stuff -- definitely that! Thanks for being real here. :)
Rosslyn, unfortunately your words are true of many people in church. I wrote about being real a while back on Heart Choices. It's really caused me to evaluate myself too.
I'd love to learn more about you. I grew up on Long Island and went to nursing school in Westchester County. I've spent much time in the city (NYC). Over time, I'll get to know you better but I understand what you're saying here.
So true. It always touches me that when Hagar experiences God's tender provision in the wilderness she names Him "the God who sees." The thought of being seen, even in our brokenness and smallness, by the God of the universe is hard to even comprehend. In Matt. 9:36, Jesus saw the crowds in more than a cursory way and had compassion on them.
A very real way of relating the love of God to our fellow broken humans is to be willing to stop and see them for who they are and the reality of what they're dealing with, and to then have compassion on them.
I'll stop writing my own post on here, now. ;)
Great post. I love it when people see me. . . I mean really see me. It's so touching. So often everyone is in a rush and they don't stop to really SEE who they are talking to.
Great reminder!
This Sunday at church our deacon spoke of really listening to another and said, "If you aren't willing to be changed by what it said, you aren't listening, you're only hearing." It really spoke to me as in my perpetual state of distraction as a mom of two little ones, I hardly ever get to really have any sort of meaningful conversation anymore.
Now you post about seeing someone. Again, it is so difficult for me to see others these days.
I think perhaps God is trying to tell me something with two such similar messages in such a short period of time.
Oh sooooo much I could say on this dear sister. I talk about this with my hubby and others all the time. I was born and raised in New York and worked in the city and lived in both Queens and Long Island but I can tell you it's everywhere! I've lived in New Jersey, Virginia and Florida. It's every where.
It's not location but it's a spirit, an attitude -- we have eyes but we're not seeing each other. The compassion, the care is so not there. I often say to my husband how can Christian pass by each other in church and not even smile. I smile and say hello and I don't have to know you. I embrace and I don't have to know you BUT there have been experiences in my life time where I've entered places of "worship" and was given the cold shower or at best a distant, disconnected greeting.
Not just in church but outside of church. We must be the light that shows Christ but it starts with how we treat each other. If we don't love on each other in His Name how will we reach others in His Name.
Sorry I wrote a minibook. So much I could say/share and discuss with you on this topic.
I see my dear sister (Debbie P) is on here. Glad I came by for a visit today.
Blessings!
I experience that feeling often in the Northeast, that people don't really see me. I also have been guilty of this, swept up in the daily tasks, etc. I think I was absent the day someone passed out the rules to adhere to social walls. Either that, or I didn't listen well to that. If I see a woman crying it takes everything in me not to go over to hug her. Most of the time I just go do it.
~ Wendy
What a wonderful post, Rosslyn. So much here to reflect on.
I have to admit this: some days I need some time NOT to see another person. *sigh*. In a teaching day, I greet about 200 little faces. I always long for the three waiting for me at home, and I'm not rude or dismissive to strangers, but at the end of a long teaching day there's only so much I have left. It's not as much as I would like.
I keep praying for God to lead me. Right now He seems to want me teaching and gives me enough rest that I can at least be fresh on Sunday mornings for church. :) I will pray for more openness Monday-Saturday.
God bless you this evening.
I am *always* glad for your comments, and especially the long ones. :-) Seriously, that kind of exchange is what blogging is all about. I love hearing from other people who are willing to really talk.
I also wanted to tell you all that because I had a hard day yesterday, I am so thankful for the reminder from your comments that there are many caring people out there in the world.
I love this post. Sometimes in a crowd, or at the grocery store with dozens of scattered people, I stop for a moment and see individuals. I wonder what Jesus would be thinking if He looked at the people for whom He died, each of them precious to Him.
I wish I took the time to do it more often. I wonder what I'm missing.
People are hungry for true connection. Relationships require an investment of time and a willingness to share our own hearts.
Thank you for a reminder to look beyond the surface.
Blessings,
Susan :)
Great post, Rosslyn. Like Ann L. B. said, sometimes out of the blue I'll see a stranger, somewhere along the path of my day, and will be nearly moved to tears by the simple fact of their humanity, the beauty and sorrow and complexity of decades of living hiding behind their eyes. If it happens like this without my willing it, what would life be like if I practiced this level of seeing people? Is this how people functioned all the time, when there were fewer of us?
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