Did you hear about a Texas Tech coach who banned Twitter for his entire football team?
He claimed his ban was because "Twitter is for narcissists," though the ban was actually prompted by a player who tweeted that his coach was "late for his own meeting."
Texas Tech Coach
I don't use Twitter, myself, because I'm troubled by the way it works in our culture. Even so, I do not believe that Twitter is for narcissists.
Can some people be narcissistic on Twitter or Facebook or blogs or any other social media? Certainly. Here's a study that talks about that:
Social media is for narcissists
My theory is that much of the vanity in social media crops up among teens and twenty-somethings, whom our culture encourages toward endemic youthful self-absorption. I know this because I was pretty self-absorbed in my teens and early twenties! Like me, many of these young people will grow out of it as they take a few hard knocks and develop more compassion for others.
My personal experience with blogs and Facebook, however, hasn't shown me widespread narcissism. Most of my friends are in their thirties or older. They use social media to communicate with old friends and to build relationships with others.
Some of us use social media entrepreneurially. Writers, for example, hear repeatedly from every expert in the business that we will now be responsible for marketing our own work. We're told that when we submit our novel proposals, we'd better show that we have a web presence.
Are all entrepreneurs narcissists? I don't think so. Most writers I know don't enjoy self-promotion, but they do it because their occupation now requires it.
Personally, I enjoy blogging and reading other people's blogs. It's an opportunity to get past the small talk that dominates most of our daily lives. It's a window of intimacy, not narcissism. My blogging friends and I encourage one another with our posts, and we find companionship because of our similar interests.
I don't really love the "promotion" part. I don't like posting links to my blog on Facebook. I'm aware that my Facebook friends who are not part of the writing community may not realize that blog promotion is an occupational requirement for mainstream fiction writers. There may be some assumption that I'm self-promoting. But I hope that most of my real friends know the difference between professional promotion and personal narcissism.
Whether I like every promotional aspect of writerhood or not, I've gotta do it. Accordingly, I try to focus on the positive part of promotion, which for me is the opportunity to get to know a lot of people and learn more about their life stories and their perspectives on writing and faith. That is rewarding. That is meaningful.
What do you think about this narcissism business?
** I should also clarify that I am using the word "narcissism" in its popular sense of "vain and self-absorbed," as it was used by the Texas Tech coach. Clinical narcissistic personality disorder is a different matter.
13 comments:
I think it would be an easy trap to fall into, but I don't think all users of social media qualify as narcissists. I love meeting other people who may be going through similar experiences as I am, and have been so fulfilled in parts of these friendships. The deeper level you describe - the getting away from meaningless small talk - is really valuable to me. Personally, I'm pretty awkward and shy (in my opinion anyway) but when I'm writing, I feel more able to share thoughts and build these semi-relationships.
As a stay at home mom, I don't get out much :) Blogging helps me stay connected to other moms, friends, families, groups...anything to keep me a part of the world at large. But then lets me retreat to my little haven of comfort at the touch of a button.
Oh wow, I've been thinking about posting something very similar. Well, basically the same thing, just put in slightly different words. Thank you for helping me clarify that future post. I might even link back to here. This is a really great clarification. Most writers would love to hide from the spotlight, but if we did, our work would never be seen. Now, we live in a paradox: needing to do this, not enjoying some of it, needing to do it anyway. So glad you stated the struggle! :) And, I'm glad we've connected through that "self-centered" world of blogging. :)(Thankfully we haven't bought into that -- think of what we would have missed!)
As I think you know, I've been struggling with this lately. How do I promote what I do (write Bible stuff) in a way that reflects well on me, yet still work toward being a nicely humble Christian. AARGH!
Yet I cannot discount that our credibility of what we are lies in who we are. There is a need to disclose ourselves to the world without inappropriately exposing ourselves.
And for Christians, our testimony to the Lord is very much tied up in the testimony of our lives. Only with His guidance can we make Him prominent in delicate self-promotion.
I love how you mention blogging is a way to get past the small talk. I've waited a long time for a venue like this and I'm thoroughly enjoying the connections I've been making. I will say, I have a love/hate relationship with attention and I've needed to cling to God in order to try to honor Him on this journey.
~ Wendy
My husband and I were just talking about this!! I love facebook. It has reconnected me with so many old friends and allowed my real life friends to connect in a different way. I do think that some people lack proper boundaries with social media (when would it ever be appropriate to tell 200-300 people about sometimes overly intimate details of your life??).
I also love blogging, and I have connected with some amazing like-minded women through it (you being one of them!) Sometimes, though, I think blogging can become extremely self-promoting. I constantly struggle with this and pray that God would keep me true - I want my blog to glorify His name and lift Him up, not glorify myself and seek to "make a name for myself." It's a hard line to walk.
Wait, isn't this post all about me? : )
This was very well written. As a mom who longs for other lady friends, this has been my outlet, my avenue of making female friends who know how to speak adult rather than just toddler and child speak.
Nicely said, Rosslyn. It's a tough call. I love FaceBook and Twitter. I use it for networking and socializing. I have my old friends and my new friends on there.
I've found many fun blogs through the networked blogs application on Facebook . . . and many have found my blog that way as well and I got to meet them that way.
I think it's all about what's in our hearts as we use these sites. God knows our intentions and motivations. Some will abuse the network sites but for the most part, I think it's fairly harmless.
Even if you use it as a diary sort of speak, I don't think that's narcissistic. Is it? No, I definitely don't think that I know anyone in the networks I'm involved in that I would consider a narcissist. This is the first I've heard of that accusation. Interesting!
The drawing reminds me of an old saying, "When you point you're finger at someone else, there's always three pointing back at you!" I always liked that one.
I'm glad to hear that so many of us find blogging a refuge from small talk. Now, if only we lived in the same city... :-) But I'll be grateful for what we *do* have, which is a great source of conversation. I especially like it when one blog post sparks another, as Roxane mentioned yesterday.
Back again. I do think I will refer to your post tomorrow. I hope that's okay. Instead of reinventing the wheel, I decided I want to direct my readers here. Unless I hear from you, I'll assume that's okay. :) Thanks.
Oh yes, Roxane. I'm always happy to be linked! Thanks so much!
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