In our small group tonight, we had a really good conversation based on the introduction to our new study book, They Like Jesus But Not the Church.
It's not common these days to sit around with a few friends who are really passionate about a subject and have a frank discussion. Passion is impolite. It leads us to say things that we really mean, without worrying as much as usual whether others agree with us. Even if there's no obvious conflict, there's always the risk that someone might secretly view our opinions in a negative light.
After I have a passionate conversation like this one, I have a tendency to worry about having exposed too much of myself, said too much, given an impression I didn't intend because I can't see myself as others see me.
But life is for living. If we never share our real opinions, we will never come to know one another. It's also inevitable that some people may choose to dislike us if they disagree with our opinions. Personally, I don't like or dislike people based on their opinions. My liking for a person is based on her character. I would gladly be friends with an honest, loyal, compassionate person who disagreed with me in politics and religion, as long as she was open-minded enough to accept our differences.
One of the problems with passionate discussion over the internet is that it's much harder to have a true heart-to-heart talk on a controversial subject.
I have had frank, in-person talks with friends in which we changed one another's minds and opened up new ways of thinking. I haven't seen that happen a lot on the internet. I think it's often too hard to tell whether the person you are addressing is truly open to discussion, or whether she's going to snap when you push a discussion too far. (By the way, I'm not referring to any particular person or discussion here. Just the abstract principle.)
Do you have passionate discussions with friends in which you disagree with one another in a civil manner?
7 comments:
I am so far from having passionate discussions with friends that it is unusual for me even to publish on Facebook a poem about which I am passionate! So many passions of people my age (mid-30s to mid-40s) are connected to rather recent disappointments, or redirections in life that they did not expect, that opening a discussion about these passions will sometimes make people feel bad. One good thing about people in their teens and twenties is that they articulate their passions without much embarrassment or hesitancy, because they haven't settled themselves in a course in life yet.
Thanks for your comment on my blog today, Rosslyn!
I try not to get into passionate conversations with my internet friends because it is so easy to misinterpret the intentions of a comment.
I worry a lot about some of the stuff I write about on my blog because it is honest, and I don't want to offend anyone. I just want people to understand the place from which I come.
As far as face-to-face, I enjoy playing the devil's advocate when I have discussions with my husband. He's pretty set in his ways and I like to see if I can open his mind enough to see the gray that lives between the black and white.
:-)
Good post today!
You have no idea!
I love having passionate, open discussions. I'm curious about your book. The one I'm reading right now is "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Any More." So far it's got some great points. Church isn't about going somewhere. It's about knowing Someone.
Can't remember a passionate discussion lately -- maybe I should get out more :-)
Kathryn - Excellent point about the recentness of redirections in middle adulthood.
Kat - I *love* the honestness of your blog. Even my lurker-husband commented the other day: "I like Kat."
Travis - I don't know if no idea is accurate. I may have had a teensy-weensy idea. ;-)
Barbara - Yes, it sounds like we need to swap books when we're finished!
Amy - I do think your true passion for books and ideas comes out in your blog. So I think that counts for half, at least! Now you just need to come hang out at ACFW 2009, which I'm already awaiting with bated breath because of the people I will finally get to meet there.
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