I've had to make some small talk recently. I'm not a huge fan. For me, there's a difference between small talk and get-to-know-you talk. Get-to-know-you talk reflects real investment from both conversational partners. It tends to move more freely, with follow-up questions prompted by sincere interest, even if the conversation stays within safe, conventional parameters.
Small talk is what happens when I am thrown together with someone who has no interest in talking to me, and we simply make noise in order to pass time with less awkwardness.
What if I'm not interested in talking to said person? Well, that very seldom happens. I like people a lot. Almost every person is interesting, if she will open up and talk about her true self and things she really cares about. I can only think of three scenarios that make me not want to talk to a person: 1) she doesn't want to talk to me; 2)I'm in a terrific hurry; or 3)the person is a man I don't know well who is violating my conversational comfort zone in some way. (Married folk, I don't think I have to explain this one to you. We all know the subtle types of behavior that indicate lack of respect for boundaries. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I shut down and get out of Dodge.)
What do you think? How do you define small talk? Dislike it? Like it? Neutral? Why?
4 comments:
As I was reading this post, an individual, who was extremely bored, was wandering the hallway. He stopped to lean on my door and wanted to talk about how El Paso is a small town compared to Houston. Now, I'm a very gracious person, and, like you, I can find some common ground with almost anyone. However, the longer that conversation ran, the more antsy I became to the point that I feigned having to take some paperwork to my secretary in order to relieve the hopeless feeling of being trapped in that conversation one moment longer...(Much as I am doing with you now!)
I find that a conversation is only superficial if I want it to be. The parameters of whether I want to talk to someone generally depends on how much time I have to invest at that moment. I have learned to enjoy emailing people because I can read the email a few minutes, and then focus on something else, and then return.
I’m a natural born writer. When I have a story or idea in my mind, it gnaws at me until I get it on paper. If someone interrupts that process, I am often frustrated until they leave me alone and allow me to return to my thoughts. And, I‘ve noticed that people don’t bother me unless I’m distracted. Yikes, look at me yammer on…I think I'm way off the topic by now. I fear you asked me how to grow grass and I accidentally mowed your lawn, so I’m going to stop typing now…
I'm torn on the topic. On one hand, in the last few years I've had to force myself to work on small-talk skills. I'm a bit shy/reserved at times, but my most recent jobs haven't allowed that luxury. So it's been good for me to exercise that muscle. I do like a good, playful round of banter.
On the other hand, I can relate to your bent toward get-to-know-you talk (if I understood you correctly). I'm fascinated by people, and seldom is the person who I don't want to know their story. Driving down the road, I'll pass a random car and wonder where they're going, where they came from--that sort of thing.
Once I was a hospice social worker. Time for chit chat was short, and often the person was just waiting for me take them into meaningful conversation. I tend to still operate in that frame of mind.
I, too, like e-mail...guess that's not very surprising for a writer.
The other thing I love about email is that I can consider what I would like to say for as long as necessary. This is a great help for my attempts at discretion and kindness.:-)
I agree! I'm grateful when I have a chance to mull for a moment over what I'm about to inflict on someone else.
The job I have now is as a community organizer for a local drug prevention coalition (say that five times fast). Good communication and a dose of networking savvy is crucial. I'm learning; e-mail helps me in that area. ...Although recently I did accidentally send something to two state-level supervisors that was meant for my boss's eyes only...it was about the other persons. It wasn't bad, just venting unintended for them to see. Have you ever felt that panic as you realize what you did, yelling, "Nooooo!" in movie slow-mo at the monitor?
Sorry about hijacking your blog. Note to self: no more caffeine tonight!
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